Hi kind strangers,
I’m a 21, soon-to-be 22, year old from Germany. Ever since I started making a little bit of my own money through an apprenticeship in 2015 I’ve had extreme difficulty managing my money. I have never before thought about asking for help from strangers because I know it’s my own fault that I got into this money mess.
Ever since I was a kid (around 8 y.o.) I’ve had issues with my mental health. Back then it was severe, crippling (but during that time undiagnosed) anxiety and depression which even then caused me to miss a lot of school.
I barely managed to get through school and in my late teens I started my apprenticeship. After a while of working full-time, I suddenly started getting worse again. My depression got way worse and at the end of 2016 I couldn’t take it anymore and had to go on sick-leave (even though I really like my job, I just really can not work full-time). At first I wanted to just rest for a few weeks but weeks turned into months and my health was just terrible.
During this time, my depression was so severe that I started slipping money-wise. I thought “shouldn’t my health be more important than my money?” and spent money that I didn’t have for things that brought me very short-lived, temporary happiness. When an items happiness subsided I already wanted to buy something new. I call it depression-induced shopping addiction. I also had almost no friends to help me or to cheer me up.
When this started, I only made very little money because I only got a bit of money from my health insurance company. Fortunately I only had to pay my parents a little bit of money for still living with them.
Slowly things got better. Shortly after though, in late 2017, I had another fall back. This was worse than anything I’ve ever experienced.
I had to go to a mental health clinic for almost three months after which I realized many difficult things about me and my past which made me go into a deeper depression for a while. I was also dealing with some love sickness. I have never come so close to killing myself than last year in spring. I even wrote a note.
After all, I did give life another chance. Since then things have been looking up. Even though I had to take on a loan, I’m now making an income and am at work steadily. However, I can only work part-time which is not helping my situation at all. Adding to this: for the sake of my mental health I had to start living in my own place. This cost me a lot of money as well.
After living in my own place for 6 weeks, I discovered I got scammed. The apartment was a mold hazard and I had been breathing in the extreme mold behind my bed for weeks. I had to move out again quick but had to still pay rent monthly. It was seriously a horrible experience.
Luckily, I found a new place and am now living in a new apartment which brought it’s own costs.
However the loan is still a big burden on me and I have around -200€ debt in my account right now. It drives me absolutely crazy. I’ve been looking for ways to make more money everywhere. I wish I could work harder but I know that if I work too much, I will sink into depression again and lose the balance that I have found in life right now.
I have to monthly pay 80€ for another 2-3 years. My loan is 4000€ and I still struggle so much monthly. Any help would be so very much appreciated and lift some of my worries!
To anyone even considering helping me: I want to say thank you.