First thing that I remember is my dad punching my mum for some random reasons that today seem very immature. My mum escaped to another country and took me with her. I remember it like it was yesterday. She found a taxi cab and we just took off. Soon after that what I remember is that we are in a flat, I’m going to school. We didn’t have a car, that is, she didn’t have a car and she was taking me to school every single rainy day. Since the beginning she was paying for my education and spend 95% of her life for me, most possibly even more than that just so I could have a future. Soon after that I was growing and becoming more and more a man, but it wasn’t easy not having a man’s influence in the family. Mum tried to replace my dad’s influence of a “strong fist”, losing her motherly instincts in the process. A mother cannot be a father. Yelling couldn’t accomplish anything and that kind of raising a child left some scars on my soul that I’m still trying to overcome. Throughout the years of attending psychologists and psychiatrists she has been labeled as a narcissistic mother and she is still struggling with her condition. It is causing her a lot of pain and she cannot control it. I also found out that I have inherited the same curse, making me unable to fully engage in emphatic conversations. I cannot help my friend, schoolmate, coworker, stranger to feel good because the nature of how I was raised has control over my emotions and even though I am aware of the beautiful energies that beautiful people emit, my instincts make me steal, drain that energy instead of giving it and healing a persona in need. Since I recognized my nature of flow of being, I have been trying to find a way to change that… but my instincts have been hardwired into my brain and the ego is too strong. As I have been making progress in self-analysis and self-development I have tried to implement that knowledge to cure the woman who brought me to this world but no progress has been made. Even though I have helped my friends find some wisdom from the solitude I have, no matter how small that solitude of mine is, my knowledge is still not sufficient. I still cannot help my friend who has been molested by her ex husband or my cousin who cannot get away from drugs… or most importantly, my dad who has the need to punish his new kids and his new wife because they are not good enough and my mum who cannot get away from her haunting beliefs. Right now I’m in a new place in this world trying to make a living without any work experience, trying to become something valuable enough and benefit the world that we live in. In this capitalistic system you cannot do anything without money. I have been trying to find ways to make residual passive income but, again, you need money for the investments. While working as a construction laborer I can barely have time to eat anything appropriate. I wish I could pay for university so I can get a decent job and get the necessary skills to help anyone who needs it. I also wish that I could start a business no matter how small or big it is, at least something that can make me a living and possibly to pay off my further education. Great things never came from comfort zones.
God bless to anyone who wishes to help me on my quest as it will be repaid to the lost souls in need.