Hello, and thank you for reading this if you do decide to read it of course… My honest thoughts about humanity kindness are now really limited due to the cards I have been dealt I suppose… It sounds like that perhaps I’m just complaining about how horrible life has been for me so far and how there is people out there who are in a worse spot than myself and I honestly could not agree more….. However, I do try my best with everything in life, both good and bad… I do donate my loose change ALL of the time, even if it is all that I have. I always donate to the St. Jude Childrens research hospital as often as I can and have done that ever since I participated in the Math-a-thon when I was in the 7th grade in junior high and raised almost $2,000 for the children of St. Jude and I have to say that made and still to this day being almost 40 years old makes me feel good that I was able to do something like that for children that really benefit from it…
The reason for my request, and I honestly feel horrible in having to ask for assistance because it makes me feel like I am a failure at life and just taking a chance on the possibility of hoping that someone is able to help me and my situation. Ever since my mother passed away almost two years ago I can’t seem to get my life on a positive track, probably because after her passing I kind of gave up on being positive. She was both my mother and my father and my best friend, the ONLY person I could actually count on to be there for me when I needed someone to listen to me regardless of how small my problems were at the time. Life just is not the same without her in it and I still cry every single day just thinking about her not being here anymore. I miss her…. I know when she was living, I always wanted to make her proud of me and always seemed to let her down, although she never told me directly that I disappointed her, I feel like I let her down… as well as let myself down…. Now, in this time in my life, I have a job, which I could not or should I say would not keep a job to save my life when she was living, I didn’t have my own place, however I do have my own place now, I never had a vehicle and that still hasn’t changed due to trying to take responsibility and be an adult and paying my bills and just trying to make it to the next paycheck like many other people out there…. One thing different about me is that I don’t have any children that are biologically mine and I really feel like I would be an amazing father just was never blessed with any of my own… I am with a wonderful woman, that does happen to have three children from a previous relationship that she was involved in, and like I mentioned I am the only one working, trying my best to be supportive, loving, and caring and providing everything that a family needs to be able to survive but as we all know Christmas is here and a lot of people are struggling to get their children Christmas gifts and I would love to show my little family, even though the children don’t biologically belong to me, I would love to get them each at least one nice thing that they would enjoy…. HOWEVER,. after paying the bills, getting groceries, and the necessary household supplies needed for personal hygiene, clean clothes, etc… I literally do not even have but $3.82 left to my name for the next month until I get paid again and that truly breaks my heart into a million pieces just thinking about their little faces on Christmas morning, waking up with all of the excitement in the world, hoping Santa came and left them something under the tree, only to go into the living room and just seeing a lit up tree with nothing under it from Santa. That hurts more than I can even imagine, and I just keep thinking about how disappointed my mother would be in me for letting those innocent children down so badly on such a magical day, especially for children.
Is there anyone out there that could be generous enough to just help me out even a little bit? I really am not expecting anyone at all to lend that helping hand and honestly I am just preparing my heart for seeing how much those children are disappointed, although they have been really good this year and deserve the world. I don’t know how to tell them that Santa couldn’t make it this year… If anyone can help, I really would appreciate it and I do apologize for such a lengthy posting but thank you so much for reading this and I surely hope that you and your families have the most amazing Christmas in the entire world. God Bless you and I wish you all the best. Thank you for your time in reading this and thank you for just being there. It truly means more than you could possibly know.