Hello, I am a 21 year old who’s realized how serious my shopping addiction really is. I know this may sound like the same ole same ole sob story but let me tell you why it’s not, Ill keep it as short and simply as I can.
I was homeschooled by a very mentally ill mother who was battling a pill addiction most of my childhood. The only thing I ever learned from her was what not to be. My dad is closeted meaning he spent most of his time at “work”. When I turned 11 my dad realized just how severe my moms pill addiction was and put me and my two other siblings into public school. We all struggled because we had only ever learned about the education equivalent of a 3rd grader. I pushed threw 5th-8th grade. But my mom had relapsed the summer before starting high school for me and my twin brother, and left without and word. My older sister had just graduated high school and got the hell out of our childhood home. I got a job at a local boutique to help my dad out, and I did half days to work and finish my high school career. My twin and I made it threw high school and graduated. Like clock work my mom contacted my dad and wanted to get a divorce and to reconnect to my twin and I. She moved back into to settle things. Hurt by my dad accepting her back so easily I left and to Miami with my High school boyfriend. About 5 months into a fresh start in Miami, my boyfriend grew to be extremely abusive. The finally straw for me was he broke my car window with my phone in a public setting, ofc a bystander called the police and I realized I needed to move on from the relationship. I couldn’t afford rent without him so I had to call it quits 7 months into Miami. I called my dad told him my circumstances, and that id be coming home. To end my lease I paid my 5 months of rent I had left and rented a moving truck which cost me my saving, 5,120 in total. So we are now in the year 2019, it’s may, I’m helping my dad settle stuff for the divorce and working on my relationship with my mom. I started down the dark path of an alcohol addiction. I hit rock bottom very quickly in October when I was raped at a frat party due to me being blackout drunk, someone took me to the hospital when I was found and I went into to surgery due to excessive bleeding and to restore some of my fallopian tubes. Recovery was about a month down, luckily my job kept me on. However I kept my shopping addiction alive when I couldn’t keep my alcohol addiction alive.
The pandemic hits, Im forced to start reflecting.
This is were I ran my course, I didn’t ever realize how traumatic my childhood was because I was a caretaker for the most of it, and trying to survive. My mom slept in my room growing up, I took care of her, and when she left, I took her role and took care of my dad and brother. I had never had nice things growing up and didn’t yet want to face my childhood, my shopping addiction starts. I burned through my money left and right, I was still working at the boutique I previously worked in high school when the peak of covid-19 hit. I was out of work due to lockdown. I ran through more money, my parents were ready to be settled in the divorce by September. I was told I needed to find a place to live. I was set to move in with my best friend in September. I wasn’t saving, just shopping and trying to stay away from relapse with any sort of distraction. My mom decides to open up to me before we all went our separate ways. She tells me my dad is closeted and was having affairs and every time she was relapsing it had a lot to do with my father. See he had been giving her std, and refused to come out due to his parents judgement. We were only homeschooled because his parents feared one of us would also stray from the church, and should only be near the church. End of it all her leaving in my year 9 was bc he had giving her another std and it had done permanent damage to her body.
I couldn’t relapse but the news shattered the very small idea of why my childhood was like and I fell into more shopping. I grew 3,400 dollars in debt and haven’t been able to pay it off due to having rent and other bills come first. I am in therapy and learning a healthy healing distance from my parents, and working on both of my addictions day by day. I pay all my bills, food, rent, health and car insurance. I unfortunately lost my job to covid and took about a month to find a new one, i recently started at to help pay my way. But the debt has caused my credit score to drop so low I fear i’ll never be able to purchase a car or one day a home. I don’t have much guidance and generally don’t know how to fix my problem or where to turn anymore. I don’t and never have had an adult figure in my life and would even appreciate just advice on what I can due to relieve debt.
I have a very old car and will be needing a new one soon. I AM NOT in the position to purchase a new one, on top of other bills. I would just like to be able to get myself out of debt and work towards saving for college and bills, and hopefully a car.
ANYTHING helps, I appreciate it if you took the time to read and even just have a word of advice for me.