I Honestly don’t know where to begin!
I am usually not one to admit needing help, but I have to help anyone I see in need even if I am not “financially” able. I see with my heart not with my eyes. This hurts me more than I will ever actually accept. I feel like we have very little time in this life, so why not try and make the best of it while we can.
I have worked in restaurants and gas stations/convenient store since I was 12 years old. If you personally know me outside of “work life” you probably wouldn’t believe I was the same person. Some may think or say I am anti social, weird or rude. (This may honestly be how I think or feel about myself).
This is far from the truth.. I am a Leo! I am a mommy of 2 amazing children. I can be loud, over dramatic, seem demanding at times.
For the past 2 years I have been a cashier at a small gas station in my childhood home town.
I have never in my life been able to say “I love my job” or “I love working here”. Well I do now, I love working at this lil place! I wouldn’t be able to fully explain my experience. I wish I could project my thoughts on a wall!
I have met and meet many people of different races, faiths, beliefs. I love keeping an open mind and heart because at the end of my shift, if I feel like I could have done better or if i havent successfully completed my duties… I am disappointed in myself and know I can do better! When I am behind that counter I feel like it is my place to make sure my customers, my friends and family are in a comforting, clean, friendly environment. You are going to walk out of there wishing you had more time. I am going to do my best to change any negative thoughts or feelings you may having. I am going to do my damndest to make you at the very least leave with a smirk. I feel so deeply so if you are sad, angry, upset, I feel it and I want to do everything I can to make you feel a lil better.
These past 2+ years, Sep. 2017-present 2020. Have been an eye opener, adventurous life experience, a continuous everyday struggle. This all started around Feb. 2017 when I had unknown consistent water leakes in my main water line that is over 600ft. My water bill would be $300+ at times and I paid these high bills for a couple months until my husband left his job for us to start our own dream business with a family friend. We eventually couldn’t pay the high water bill and couldn’t rent the equipment for us to dig the 600foot main line that is all rock filled land. So I called our water company and told them to just shut the water off we couldn’t pay the now over $800 water bill. We learned to live without running water. Now with starting a new business with a family friend we finally have hope’s and promised income that would change our lives. So we thought…. after a few months of my husband and I putting all we have into this business, sacrifices made. Our “business partner” disappears without a trace. (Yeah I know it may all sound like B’S, but there is so much more). We slowly started loosing everything we had worked so hard for for the past 5 years.
We lost water, then we had our power shut off, I had to move our kids out of our home and out of their school. To live in not much better conditions other than them having water and power. It had to be done for obvious reasons though. My husband and I have lived like this for 2 years now doing everything we can just to survive day to day. Trying to get back on Our feet and bring our kids back home with us. Luck has not been on our side. On top of it all, Our truck was stolen from our front yard while I was at work. My husband walked to my job to inform me of the news and to use a phone to call and make a police report because his cell phone, lap top, everything of value, our personal belongings were inside the truck. We lost everything! Social security cards, drivers license, title. So much I wouldn’t be able to name it all. We practically lived out of our truck. It was our mobile generator pretty much. A Day or so later we call the police station because we haven’t heard back from them, they would tell us that they would contact us as soon as the officer who took the report was not in the office, or off duty. This continued for a few days. They didn’t know what to tell us… come to find out the officer never filed the report!?!? Really?! Yes I do have a full time job working over 45+ hours most weeks and at times have worked for weeks/months without a day off. I make 7.50 an hour up to 38 hours anything over 38 hours I get paid cash. No overtime, no time and a half, no benefits, no vacation, no holiday pay, no bonuses. I just received a .25cent raise a couple weeks ago but havnt been back to work since June 18th 2020. My daddy unexpectedly passed away June 15th 2020. He was 54 years old, I wasn’t and I am still not ready to let go and hasn’t fully set in. I tried to go back into work the day after being the 16th and I think maybe pushed through the 17th, 18th and 19th. I told my boss I had to be off the 20th to have a memorial for my daddy and I haven’t been back to work yet. Two days after saying our “goodbyes” to daddy. My sister-in-law calls me to inform me that herself and my brother would like to place my children in separate homes. That they want my son to live with them and my Aunt wants to let my daughter live with her. I was upset I didn’t understand I felt like they were trying to take my babies from me.l Like I wasn’t doing my part as their mommy, like I wasn’t or haven’t been doing everything for the betterment of my children. My family hardly ever has anything to do with me and my children. It has been this way as far as i can remember. Since I was 2 years old when my mom and dad separated. I have seen my Aunt a total of maybe 10 times in the past 32 years. I still hold my “feeling” in, take a night to take everything going on into consideration and then I decide to talk to my children ages 16 and 13 and ask them how they feel about it all. I let my children choose to do what they felt like they needed and wanted to do. So I allowed my son to move in with my brother (that is younger than me). My daughter moved in with my Aunt ( has only met my daughter maybe 3 times total). During all of this I get a text from my only real friend who is like a mother to me telling me that Donnie (her husband) had passed away. At this point I am about ready to surrender, I am beyond heat broken, my baby girls 13th Birthday July 5th was coming up and have no way to get to her. I lost cell service it has expired. My son had been trying to get in touch with me because he needed to talk to his mommy. I finally hustle up enough gas money on the 6th to not give my baby girl nice gifts, a party, not even a cake. All she wanted was for my husband and I to be there in person to just spend a lil time with her. While visiting my baby girl I am about to sign over temporary custody so she can be enrolled into a new school and for medical purposes. I had literally just picked up the pen when my Aunt says… hold on a minute, she’s just going to have to go back home with you. Her husband apparently was afraid of getting covid-19 and my Aunt decided that it was best to just do as he says to not cause problems in their home. My daughter had to pack all her things after being there from June 21st to July 6th. To go back to the place where my brother and Aunt didn’t see fit for my children. My daughter was and still is heart broken. My son I don’t even know what’s going on at the moment. I’m just about at my breaking point… I don’t know what to do anymore. I’m lost, confused…. My heart is hurting and I just don’t want to feel the pain anymore. I am about ready to give up and loss all faith. What more do I have to loose?
I know I am struggling now more then ever Mentally and physically. I haven’t had income in weeks now, struggling daily with what to do next but have no motivation to do anything. I haven’t been able to sleep, haven’t been able to eat even if I could afford to eat. I love my job or not my job but my customers the people I seen daily and grew to love. They were like family, I loved being able to see them and loved making their day, because in all honesty they made my days better. Now to think about the job part of it. I was being taken advantage of and had been for 2 years( it would be in Sept). So would it really be worth going back? Not in my eyes with everything I had to do and not even making enough to get through a full 7 day week. I only wish to have my children back with me… they are my happiness and it has been way to long.
Thank you to anyone that takes the time out of their day just to read my story if nothing more.