Oh where to start? Begging online, this is what my last resort and fingers crossed looks like.
It’s been an interesting journey thus far, to say the least. I do feel a bit selfish doing this, although a part of me believes there is a way out and that monetarily, well, I don’t know, there’s always a chance the angels hear me and help me out. Perhaps this is me securing my “ask”.
I’m the single mom of a teenage boy, who decided not to go after dad for support when he was younger (because dad had no money anyway). I’ve been employed by the same employer 10 years, with that comes a steady, never moving pay scale. Even though we all know cost of living increase is about 3% annually. I have worked my way to where I am and there’s no where else to go but elsewhere, as far as pay goes. Something about insurance and job security, causes a fear in moving on. Like, all of the “what-ifs” start taking over and I’m frozen in time at the same job, doing the same thing for the little pay I make.
Last year, I did decide to make some type of change or effort towards more and I enrolled myself into school with a focus on Licensed Massage Therapy on an energetic track (Reiki, Polarity, Cranial). I finish up in June of 2021 and will be able to bring in a little extra income to help me out with outstanding debt and cost of living. My debt is relatively low ($15,000 total) but my rent is over 50% of my income. I know, one would suggest not living where I do, only, we’re safe and it’s walking distance from the school and for the first time EVER it feels like home.
I feel as though I’m meant for more, I know my journey is specific so that I am able to provide assistance to other people and that the depth of my self is how I will provide medicine for others. It’s just been continuous, I feel right when I get a step ahead, something blasts in forcing me to take a look at myself and my situation and make necessary changes within. That my external environment is a direct reflection of within and I get it. I’ve been doing so much work and trying to show up, step up and be everything I possibly can. And Bam! when I move through the one thing, the next thing comes in and managing it is becoming exhausting and a bit discouraging.
For instance, my vehicle was involved in a car accident last month, I don’t have the funds for repair ($900-1200) and thus I haven’t been able to pick up delivery jobs for additional income (control arm, possible tire rod, knuckle, wheel and tire). I also can’t get into to clinic to complete hours, although I have submitted my hours for February. I make $2880 monthly, $1650 goes to rent and the remaining $1150 goes to utilities (water, electric, phone, internet, car, minimum payments on debt), leaving negative funds to shift and readjust and move from this paid thing to this unpaid thing.
When I’m late on rent, they charge $15 per day, so by the time I am paid again, I’m down another $150-210. I just want to be able to breathe. To chill out from the stress of financial bologna. I mean, I know that stress isn’t the answer to anything at all, it’s something I’m working on because man oh man does it test me and keep me tied in knots.
My recent unfortunate happenings have set me back for the first time since October. The stimulus did not come to me and I’m told I get a rebate credit for 2020, so I get to wait until I can file taxes for that bit of help.
I just wish, I could get a few months ahead so that I wouldn’t have to stress the way I do. I also wish I could just grab groceries for the kiddo and I, rather than hoping there’s a pantry item to eat or that one/both of us gets a meal from someone offering.
Could it be worse? For sure. I just feel like, I’ve done my due diligence to not find myself in this place constantly. I am approaching 40 and totally deserve better than what I’ve provided myself and the kid. Although, I am making an effort to get there, my patience level is running out and I’m doing my best to not throw my hands up and just give up. I know it’s so close… So close.
I’m a good person and I am kind and compassionate and deserving, I don’t want this to be the story anymore.
Here I am, begging online, on a forum I’m not sure anyone visits and if they do, it’s likely those seeking assistance. A world of those in need, oh to be the one to give. I mean, I do give when I’ve got the means but it’s usually to the guy at the bus stop sleeping behind the bench. Anyway, is this a clear request? I’m not sure.
My ask would be to help me get ahead on rent, or pay for the car repairs or a better starting point when I was younger.
If this is a magic ask, a wish it’d be $15,000 for a clean slate, so that my minimum payments can be used toward the overall cost of living and that I could start anew.
Throwing this out there, just because I’ve got no other choices here.
paypal.me/littlestar143