Hello, my name is Rebeca, I’m 23 years old and I am from Venezuela.
Since I was little, I feel like I have been battling a huge fight against depression, that I feel like if I don’t treat it as soon as possible, it may be the end of me… Not saying it to be dramatic or something, it just feels like that, right now I’m on a very dark place and I seriously need help.
My mother has always been a pacifist that just wants my dad and I to get along, and allows him to treat both of us like scum, since I was little, he hasn’t acted like a proper parent to me, never showed interest in the things I liked, neither supported me and has never done it, just lived with us and payed what was necessary, like a child support, and was there to hit me and yell at me when even the most minimum thing made him angry.
I left their house 2 years ago, and recently cut contact with them since I feel that’s better for me, maintaining contact with them felt like a chore and left me feeling extremely anxious and angry most of the time.
But things haven’t been easy, and I didn’t expect them to be… even more if you live in my country where almost everyone right now is struggling to survive, just do a quick google search about Venezuela’s situation and you’ll see it, there’s hunger everywhere, no good medical care for normal people like me, lots are dying from those things daily, we also have even more police brutality than other countries, the minimum wage is 4$… And lots and lots of other problems that I can’t write here because it would be too long…
I’m currently living with my boyfriend and his mother and little sister, but it feels like I ran away from a toxic household to another, his mother mistreats him and myself, we are like her personal servants, but she mostly shows her hate to me, she even tried to hit me once on an anger episode she had, but my boyfriend didn’t let her, so she started beating him up instead, he is the only one I have that completely supports me, but he also suffers from deep depression and is hard, but going back home is definitely not an option for me.
I mostly work online to survive but haven’t had too much luck being honest, due to my lack of proper income, I haven’t been able to get proper therapy for my problems, and I know I need help as soon as possible, I also want to leave this house too, I want to be able to live a quality life without people putting me down and abusing me…
I want also want to leave this country but my passport expired years ago, and the government is asking for 200$ to give you a new one, that’s money I don’t have and most people don’t either…
An aunt of my boyfriend who’s currently on Spain offered to let us live temporarily with her there, I have known her before, she’s a really good lady to me and I trust her, but told us to at least save up 3000$ for us to go there, which seems impossible for us for now…
There’s so many things I want to achieve in life, I don’t want to surrender to depression, but right now, I just see a black hole that I can’t get out of…
I love making art, music, cooking, baking… and I honestly think I have great potential, but life just hasn’t let me achieve this things, I don’t want to die like this and in this shitty country where I have absolutely no future.
Most of my friends already left and are far away from me, and nobody of my own family can or wants to help me, I just want to start over somewhere else…
So if you could read it all, IT WOULD BE AMAZING, if you guys could help me somehow… thank you.