Hello and thank you so much for taking the time to actually read my story. I’m a 30-year-old woman and my life appears to have turned into a series of unfortunate events. I will start by telling you how I got into the mess I am currently in and work my way to the current date.
I was a pub manager, living in the pub I managed. I didn’t struggle financially and actually had a brilliant life. 2 years later I had finally finished saving up money to get my own tenancy for my own pub and poured my life saving into it.
I moved into my pub which was around 2 hours away from my home town and met a man. We fell in love, it was a long-distance relationship, he was about 40mins drive from my hometown and somehow we matched on good old tinder a few weeks before I was moving but we both thought it was just gonna be a summer romance and i’d move away and he’d find someone else. The day before moving away we thought we’d try a long distance relationship.
9 months after I had moved into the pub I had spent my life savings on turned out to be in the thing of nightmares, power cuts, very bad wiring, gas leaks, water leaks, beer leaking from the main bar to the bottom bar we had a fire, I got 2 electric shocks. Honestly, it was hell, the company had given me a lot of paperwork before I moved in to prove the pub was structural sound, as well as all the important things like gas and electrics, had been thoroughly checked which of course turned out to be a lie hence why I had a case to sue. to the point where I ended up suing the pub company and it ended up being an out-of-court settlement.
However, because of all the dramas at my business it obviously affected trade as we would have to close to have major repairs done. 9 months later the lovely sum of money was now in the minus. The worst was a last-minute wedding party was booked in and our kitchen at the time had flooded and caused power cuts throughout the building even though it had all been “checked and repairs” just 3 weeks before. The bride and groom ended up having a candlelight reception, with us having to pay an external catering company for a cold buffet it turned out rather romantic but ended up in lots of refunds.
I handed my notice in early with the tenancy company and the money I got paid from some of the contracts I was signed into for 3 years. However, still left me in a lot of debt. So when I left I ended up with a bad credit score and zero money! Luckily I left 2 months before covid hit.
I then as I had no real option but to moved in with my boyfriend, he’d shown a few jelous behaviours before but I put it down to the long distance and figured if we where living together he’d see that that there was no reaon to of been worried in the first place. It turned out to be another horrible choice. He very jealous and possessive, he would go mental if someone rang me or I wanted to go meet some friends. He would say things like “we’ve been long-distance so long don’t you think it’s unfair to see your friends and leave me behind” (I did invite him but he didn’t want to join. I got a full-time job in a local bar and he’d sit at the bar on his days off drinking and making sure “I wasn’t talking to anyone I shouldn’t be” I was planning on leaving him and then the next day all bars and clubs where shut down as the first national lockdown had begun.
As Covid had hit and he and I both worked jobs that were forced to close during lockdown I had no choice but to spend hour of every day with him. I figured we could use this time to bond and fix the jelously issues, however he would get angry if friends rang, threw my phone out of the window if I was talking to someone he hadn’t met. He would demand sex during an argument because apparently, angry sex is something he was into. I was not I would rather sit down and talk like adults and then have make-up sex…
We clashed so badly, he would smoke weed and get drunk every day and get angry over crazy little things. (I don’t smoke weed and don’t drink unless it’s in a pub with friends or a glass of wine with dinner every now and then) He’d be annoyed if I focused on paperwork from my former business while i was preparing to sue the company. He’d be angry if I was on the phone to the bank or my solicitor. He’d be angry if I wasn’t in the mood for sex. He’d be angry that I wouldn’t get drunk with him.
about 6 months later I was very scared of him, but he ruled my life, I had no friends anymore and we’d had another argument. I had gone and sat downstairs as he was high as a kite and drunk, there was no sense in trying to talk to him, he was in one of his terrible moods. Anyway, he randomly came into the living room with a hot chocolate and apologized. I thought we were turning a corner until after I drank it and felt funny. I couldn’t see, the room was spinning and I kept coming in and out of consciousness. I called for him and he came down stairs with a werid expression on his face and he lead me upstairs and told me he was gonna help me into my pj’s. He removed my clothes then procided to have sex with me. I was terrified and had no idea what to do and I phycially couldn’t do anything. I woke up the next day with the clothes I had on before he’d undressed me and he acted like nothing had happened he even told me I had fallen asleep downstairs but had had a nightmare and he carried me upstairs and put me to bed in my clothes and he could sense I wasn’t feeling very well.
The only reason I know for sure it wasn’t in my head was because he did it again the following week
I honestly just assumed that because of all the stress i’d been though and I had been suffering with nightmares that maybe this was in my head. So i just burried it away in my mind. I had lost 3 stone since starting my business and I’ve never been a big girl. I was very underweight very stressed and now in lockdown with only furlong pay and a now bad credit rating from missing some bills even though I had rang and explained the situation.
I don’t have a brilliant relationship with my parents so I knew they wouldn’t let me stay with them, I tried finding places to rent that I could afford but couldn’t so I was stuck. I had no idea what to do. I kept seeing the adverts but was to afraid to be caught. I had no one.
Christmas comes and goes. and the second lockdown was lifted. I had managed to start talking to my friends and explained what had happend. We arranged to meet up under the pretence I was “visting my nan in the nursing home”. So I packed clothes I knew he wouldn’t notice missing and I had a saturday off for once in my life and he had to work so for the first time since lockdown I actully had an opituinity to escape! I took it! I ran! I only had a backpack and around £50 to my name, but my friends said I can crash on the couch at there place until I got a bit more staight!
Life seemed to be on the up! I got a new job, I managed to borrow some money from a friend for a deposit and moved into a shared house, with 6 other housemates. I hadn’t seen my ex in around a month. The lasy time was to collect my stuff with 3 of my guy mates so we could go in grab it and go and I wouldn’t have to worry about being to scared to leave or be tricked into staying as I still had a key and a mutal friend told me what days he would be working.
Anyway so by this point I’m starting to feel a little bit more like myself again until I open my front door and see my ex. Turns out when I updated one of my accounts they had sent a letter to my old address to confirm it was me who requested the change and it also had my name and new address on the letter. I remember thinking at the time “Fuck is he here to drag me back” he’d sent letters to friends houses asking if i’d changed my mind, if i’d marry him, if i’d opened up about my feelings trying to act like he was the victim.
He caused me nothing but problems and I wanted to be free of him so I used my credit card and money for bills to pay for a deposit on where I live to this day (5 months later)
You’d think my bad luck would end however my current job (we I am a trainee mechanic) have just told me that they can’t afford to pay me this month (it’s a small business) but when we move units next month everything will be okay and I will be paid on time every month. This has always been my dream job. I just never had a chance before. But now this has kinda been the straw that breaks the camels back really and I’m at my wits ends. Bills are £400 a month plus £500 a month for rent. I live on around £200 a month currently for everything food, travel, the basics as I can no longer afford little luxerys in life.
I owe £15,000. £10,00 of that is a monlthy repayment of £200 a month the rest is credit card debt from the business to pay for things that needed fixing.
The money I pay to my credit cards that brought me a bed, and a fresh start seem to be only paying the interest off and the debt is mounting more and more each month. Each month my budget is getting tighter and tighter.
My friends say go back to work in the pub trade but I know full well he will find me again. Someone will see me and mention it to him. My mental health can’t take working 60+ a week anymore. I need a routine so I can focus on getting straight again.
I don’t really know what I am asking for. Just a miracle right now I am so overwelled and stressed out. This has actually made me feel a little better getting it off my chest but honestly, any help would be so amazing. All I want is a fresh start again.
https://paypal.me/anewlifeplease?country.x=GB&locale.x=en_GB