I have a very long and complicated tale about how screwed up my life has been over the last five decades. Things like alcoholic, drug addicted parents. Foster care, adoption, sexual and psychological abuse along the way. An absolute ton of expensive, ongoing therapy.
These things led to my own struggles with drugs and drinking and horrible relationships, and jails and institutions and yes, almost death by overdose and suicide on more than one occasion. It is not a unique tale by any means, but it is mine, and I am proud to say that I have been clean and sober since January of 2006. I went to college, followed my dreams, mended all the burned bridges I could remember and have been fairly happy. I do stay moderately medicated with anti-depressants to help deal with a major depressive disorder, and PTSD, but I am grateful for that as well. My life has been fairly uncomplicated for awhile.
About a year ago, I lost birth mother to suicide and I am still feeling and dealing with all of the feelings and repercussions of that. I began to look into her life, and then to look into the history of my birth father. She had told me he had killed himself when I was very young, which turned out to be true. A lot of the things she told me about the family were not so true.
I paid for DNA, I paid for all of my dad’s birth records and military records and made contact with all of my family in Ireland, which is where he was born. Another true fact from my birth mother.
My heritage and my family legacy and all of the things that have come with it have been the way that I have dealt with my grief and my sorrow. Applying for and receiving Irish citizenship has been the fuel that has kept me going for the last year. I am waiting in my Irish passport to get here and am contemplating a move to my father’s town, Drogheda, in County, Louth Ireland. I am a team leader at a small non profit mental health center where I live at and do not make much money at all. I have been living paycheck to paycheck for a long time, but the work I do with people, and children living in all of the same situations I did as a kid, keeps me going and satisfies my soul.
I am here to solicit some help raising some funds to get to Ireland and to live and work in the places where my father and his family did. I’m not sure what will happen, but I can tell you that given the chance, I would do the exact same thing for someone else.