I came across this website by looking at ways to get help. I am at the point in my life that I am willing to give almost anything a try. I am reaching out to try and get help with just bills. I am a mother of four kids. I am currently on disability and receive a total of $1102 in benefits every third of the month. My oldest is 24 and does not live with me, she is currently in school to earn her Master’s degree in Healthcare Administration at Texas Tech. My 20 yr old, just moved out after we got into a fight about her life, I know I should let her learn on her own but I am just trying to get her to not make the same mistakes I did. I stay up and worry crazy about her, I just want her home and safe, but she’s just not ready to come home. My 17 yr old is a Junior in high school. He is a straight-A student, he has been since 5th grade. He also does dual credit for his college credits and is looking for a job. My 10 yr old is in 5th grade and is my baby. I know many moms would say this but my kids are just great, they deserve the world. Honestly, they deserve a way better mom than me, but I’m what they got. I am a 39 yr old, bipolar, recovering addict, rape survivor, domestic/financial/emotional/mental abuse survivor, who is finally just trying to do what is right, but I am struggling. These kids deserve so much better and I am trying to give it to them but I am failing. I don’t receive child support, my two boys’ fathers haven’t paid in months. My younger daughter’s dad stopped paying when she turned 18, and my 24 yr old is the product from rape. I was a 14 yr old virgin, and to this day, no one has been charged for it. I don’t even know who it is, the sad part is, it happened in a really small town, it literally could be anyone. I never saw his face, plus at the time my parents didn’t believe me, so not much was done. I was diagnosed with being bipolar at 35, if I would have known when I was younger and been medicated, I think my life would have been so different. I just justify it saying if I didn’t go through what I went through I wouldn’t have my amazing kids. Well, that’s how I see it now. I didn’t always feel that way, it took two suicide attempts to get me to change my thinking. My life changed after that. I got help and medicated and religion. I am so thankful that my kids have forgiven me for my past and are allowing me to show them I want to be better. I have been doing good. I struggle but I have always been able to float by, not this month, I’m sinking. So, this is where I come to ask for help. Any help. I am okay now mentally and at a C- emotionally, but financially I am at an F. I just want to pay my bills, not get behind, and be okay. I have credit cards and loans and pawn and my reoccurring bills. I am just trying to pay everyone I own and I just can’t do it anymore. I’m lost.