It all started when I was a little girl that wanted to live like other little girls of her age.. Pejama party.. sleep overs.. shopping.. school trips hanging out with friends.. And everything else that kids would normally do.. But no that wasn’t me.. coming from a strict family.. Environment.. And all that was there at the time.. I never had the chance to live most of what these kids did.. Never had a friend over or went for a birthday and many other things.. It was always a No simply all because am a GIRL.. I grew up dreaming of FREEDOM of breaking away from all these habits and traditions that reinforces the power of a masculine society and shames women leaving them unacknowledged and behind.. Inequality.. Shaming.. Misogyny.. These are the norms to grew up with in an ignorant culture.. Fast forwarding.. Got my first job.. For most people were they hate to work.. I never felt happier.. Just for the fact that I can leave the house without someone accompanys me anywhere I go.. It felt like an accomplishment.. I remember leaving the house in what they force me to wear and sneak back in the garage or something just to change to what I WANT to look like.. And then when am back home I just do what I did leaving the house.. but this time putting on what they’ve forced me into.. A year later I had my first boyfriend I was so much in love it was a total new experience that I have no clue about.. And yea it was a secret.. I had great hopes for that person to come rescue me but it all came to nothing after he raped me.. He shattered me into million pieces.. I kept it to myself there was no way that I could tell my family what happened.. I was suffering in silence.. Scared.. tortured.. It was too painful that I couldn’t deal with alone till I finally shared my secret with a close friend of mine in my work place.. Wasn’t the right choice to make coz later everyone around knew.. And then hell doors were opened.. Then this unforgettable day happened.. I was getting ready to go to my work then my mom came slapped me across the face and took my phone away and said u’re never leaving this room again.. She locked me up left me confused.. I was terrified coz I knew at this point my secret is no longer between two.. Hours passing by and all I can think of is how am going to die if I don’t escape here.. It’s the normal cultural taboo.. that considered legal and falls under honor killing.. Later at night I hear them outside angry furious I knew it’s over they came in like death angeles I was so horrified I see wires and wooden pieces they beat me up so hard that I couldn’t feel pain anymore then strangled me that it felt my soul left my body.. I didn’t want to die I refuse to.. Am inoccent I didn’t choose to lose my virginity I got raped am the victim here.. I looked them in the eye one of them said stop before she dies here and then people would know what shame I brought to them which makes it worse.. They were suggesting what to do with me how to get rid of me without people finding out because of there social status they were well known in power back there.. And for them am nothing but a disgrace.. They decided to leave me locked up till they come the next day and take me to a far isolated area where no one can hear or see what they do to me.. Hours goes by feeling numb but sore too.. Mentally felt more in pain than my body had endorsed.. Next day I was taken to this place where I knew I’d never make it out alive.. They’ve discussed so many times how to kill me in a way that wouldn’t raise people’s suspensions for their own status and reputation sake.. Not that they care about me.. Every second passed I was thankful that am still breathing coz I was praying so hard for a miracle to get out.. What seemed impossible came to light after months of being held captivated and tortured.. I lost my ability to feel safe to think straight or clear was numbed.. shocked.. depressed.. angry.. petrified.. Then I managed to get out.. they finally decided they would disown me and banish me a way to another nearby country.. Don’t have the right words to describe what I felt that moment.. All that came to mind is that i’l be able open my eyes to live.. Later am in this new country never had the experience to live alone away from all this darkness before.. I was able to breathe to actually taste freedom I saw the world in colors for the first time ever.. Everything that I ever dreamed of was coming true.. Little that I know it was the beginning of the next chapter to my struggles.. New place new job fresh start.. Soon later it all came to an end company shutdown looked for another job over and over had to leave for another city for a new opportunity.. Started again it was hard but I loved to do it.. Coz am FREE.. Went through a lot.. but I kept pushing and going.. The desire of me to live made me stronger.. Determined to change my life coz I deserve better.. made me put everything behind and live like a normal human being would.. Never felt better.. Till later I got in a relationship with this guy it took me sometime to feel love and trust someone again.. I had to convince myself I can coz it was part of the new me.. Everything was perfect I opened up trusted him a year later he began to change mistreating me cheating on me beating me up being insecure and over jealous started to draw these restrictions on what I wear.. Making decisions for me.. Stalking me around everywhere I go.. I called it off he Blackmailed me.. Till one day I planned my escape again.. I waited for him to go on a tour to sing in Asia he left and never heard from me again.. I moved to another city got a new job started over.. Was so excited I was the personal assistant to this owner and CEO of this Engineering company.. Short later this CEO started to flirt.. verbally abuse me.. I tried to ignore it and then it gotten worse I asked him so many times to stop and that i don’t condone such a behavior even tho I was desperate to keep the job.. It’s not easy to find one.. And he listened but for a short while.. Then it became worse and turned into a physical sexual harassment.. I took it to court couldn’t afford a lawyer.. And asked the judge to lock him up and for a compensation for all the damages.. He went to jail for a week then got out and started threatening me to drop the case.. One year later after I thought I was winning I lost the case to him and didn’t get compensated.. This verdict got him cleared I felt like the whole world is against me.. I struggled enough at this point then covid happened I couldn’t find a job or anything to support myself.. I was so frustrated depressed lost hope.. I was homeless for a year and a half I was always nice and helping others no matter what.. I used my last savings on food to survive through these times and only asked friends whom I’ve helped before for a place to stay till i sort things out.. kept on moving from one house to another coz they can only have me over for a bit.. Most of the time I was sleeping on a couch or the floor with barely a thin blanket.. I used to ate once a day a small portion so I can save up the meal for several days.. Sometimes I couldn’t afford water to drink.. But that never broke me down.. Coz I been near death before and I fought to get out.. It’s still covid but no more lock downs.. I started to get a part time modeling jobs was barely covering my essentials.. At this point it was hard for me to get a full time job.. Coz I became illegal where I live I had overstayed fines pilled up since I lost my previous job when I sued that CEO.. It was thousands I couldn’t afford to pay it off.. Besides my credit card.. And other debts.. I didn’t let things get to me.. I worked so hard to find a way out of this.. I hated this modeling job coz I was exploited harrased assaulted by those in positions of authority.. After awhile one of my friends introduced me to his best friend.. afterwards I was scared and hesitant to go through what i been before.. I took a leap of faith.. Long story short.. What started sweet ended sour.. Moved in together.. He’s changed but this time he’s a junkie a drug addict.. I never had any experience with this before I couldn’t tell.. Till I saw it all.. I tried my best to help him.. I made it my mission to save him.. And all I got in return was violence he was so abusive aggressive.. He forced me to stay home and leave my modeling part time job.. We stayed in a deserted area so far that u barely see anyone’s living around.. At days he pulls out a big knife and start terrorizing me.. And lock me up in the room for hours and break things around and kick me out in the middle of nowhere with no phone or anything then I would run crying terrified then all of a sudden he’s behind me chasing me down to bring me back in.. This would go nonstop.. It got worse where he became a dealer.. Till one day I was in the bedroom when him and his friends are in the other room laughing and blabbing nonsense preparing for the next drop off.. I heard some foot steps outside.. In a split of a second bunch of cobs broke in with guns shouting not to move and one aimed at my face.. I couldn’t breathe I hysterically started crying and begging not to shoot.. One hour in after running a small investigation with everyone.. They felt bad for me I was pleading not to get arrested coz am not part of this.. He heard part of my story and felt bad that I ended up with this person.. He let me go I remember the relief I felt that very second.. Next day I moved back into the previous city I was at.. before I moved in with this horrible person.. Till now I can’t pay the fines pilling up everyday I tried to apply 2 times for a waive off but got rejected.. I can’t get deported and go back to that torture again.. And I can’t afford living ilegal with no source of income but debts and fines all over me.. And just recently I’ve had 2 biopsies done.. I have a CIN1 and the doctor said I need to have a surgery as soon as possible to remove it before it becomes cancer and spreads into nearby tissues.. My life is falling apart AM TRAUMATIZED AM EXHAUSTED BUT I NEVER gave up on myself nor life.. At days it’s hard to sleep because the moment I close my eyes all I see is people trying to kill me or chasing me down.. I relive this again and again.. Am pretty beat up am tired of constant disappointments I feel defeated but I don’t wna let go life I don’t wna suffer again.. I deserve a decent chance please help me to Live FREE..
Thank you.. And bless you.
My PayPal account.. https://www.paypal.me/helpmedaniella
For safety purposes can’t mention my name or the country I live in.. But it’s in the Middle East.. I have all proofs for any details required..