I don’t know who is reading this right now and I don’t even know why I’m writing this but I must be very desperate haha.
I’m from germany and not a native speaker so I apologize in advance for errors.
I’m 28 years old and unemployed and broke right now because I lost hope in a good future. I don’t know how to start and I don’t know where this text will end but let’s dive right into my story.
I was born as the third child of my family. (2 older sisters, 1 younger brother, 1 younger sister). My mom got my oldest sister when she was 16 I think..
All the memories I have from kindergarden are very negative. I always was the fat ugly kid everybody laughs about. When we played football in kindergarden I always had to be the goalkeeper because it was hard for me to move. I was very shy. and didn’t go out much. My one year younger brother was the complete opposite. He was outside all day. Once he invited me to play football with him and his friends and there were these big guys playing basketball and they used to call me “Doug”. I was a child and I didn’t know King of Queens back then but I felt that they were making fun of me. I wasn’t only fat. I had crooked teeth because my grandfather dropped me on the ground shortly after I got my regular (?) teeth. I don’t remember that but my mom told me. I was maybe 5 years old and I was very heavy so I already had stretchmarks all over my belly and my legs. In summer when everybody went swimming I used to stay in the house. I hated to go outside, hated the sun and basically everything. The only thing I enjoyed was eating eating eating. My mom used to work at a grocery store and was tired when she came home so we ate junkfood and sweets most of the time.
But back to kindergarden. I broke my leg on a playground and spent half a year in a wheelchair. My leg was broken several times and the doctors made a few errors in the treatment. Even today I can feel that there’s something wrong and sometimes I have pain but I learned how to live with it so I will leave it as it is.
My father was an alcoholic. He was sitting on the couch all day, in underpants, drinking beer. He never had a job. When he talked to us he shouted.
There are a few stories about him that I could tell here but I made a contract with myself that I will never talk about this with anybody so I keep the stories a secret. When I was a child (4-6 years old) I saw some cruel things with my own eyes in regards to him. He is a sexual predator. That’s all I can say.
Because of that and many other reasons my parents divorced when I was 18 years old. In the meanwhile a lot of violence happened in our family. My oldest sister died at the age of 17 (I was 13 or 14 at that time). My brother got addicted to drugs and almost died 2 times. He is 27 years old right now and this is the first time he is clean since he was 13. My mom lost her job and got very sick. She is still sick today and from now on she will only live for 2-5 years according to the doctor (She’s 48 years old right now). I don’t know where my father is today. He disappeared after the divorce. I would like to tell you about my sisters too but I just realized that even this right here seems hopeless to me and it costs a lot of strength to write all these things down so I will stop here..
To come to an end and to the reason I searched for a possibility to get money: The last thing that happened to me just a few weeks ago is that my girlfriend cheated on me and left me for another guy when I needed her the most. She left me because I had a breakdown and the other guy has more money and a healthy family relationship. We have been together since I was 17 and she was the only thing that brought a little bit of light into my world. I did everything for her. That killed me…
I want to see the face of my ex when I drive beautiful cars and build a successful business. She and her new boyfriend are employed, working a regular 5 to 9. I want to build a family. I want to have a wife and kids and build the family that I never had..
But the biggest wish I ever had (since I was a little child) is to buy my momma a house because she always fought and gave everything for everybody but life gave her nothing but problems. I want to buy her a house in which she can live for the rest of her short life.
Maybe I will continue this story and tell a little more details if there is any resonance from your site because there are a thousand stories in my head that I need to get out but I’m done for now..
I would love to have 10.000.000€ to fulfill all my dreams and start living a life without fear. Thanks for reading
P.s. I’m writing this as I’m sitting in a basement in my mom’s house. She is sleeping upstairs. Living with her again after my girlfriend left me.