Here are the facts: I was foolish when I was just out high school, I met a man who bamboozled me. Seeing that my father sexually abused me my entire childhood, while my mother pretended not to notice, and me believing that this was how everybody grew up, bamboozling me was not a difficult task. I repressed those memories until the age of 44. I was bright, strong willed, creative, and I was motivated to do anything I wanted , I was going to be somebody. I was happy with me. 25 years later, I literally woke up one morning to find that my husband was a narcissist, or the most covert and diabolical nature. My entire family abandoned me when those repressed memories of my father came rearing its ugly head. In an instant I went from being unstoppable to being unwanted, unloved, uninvited, misunderstood, discarded, mistreated, laugh at, assaulted, abandoned, forgettable, not good enough, a victim, a scapegoat, a joke and not a funny one.
I literally came to a Point where I was thrown out of my home by my husband in front of my son, at midnight, with nothing, no money, no vehicle, and no-one to call for help. No support , no friends, and even the shelters did not have room for me, they said they were full.
Since then life has been hard, I was laid off from work, I lost our health coverage, I spend each day looking for the basics, good, water to bath in, clothing, I still have not been giving my belongings, I was told they were destroyed. No-one will answer any of my questions. I know that I have rights and there are laws, and it’s nearly impossible to start any of those things when you have been separated from everything and everyone you have always known. It really begins to destroy you from all angles at once. No longer am I confident, courageous, or sure of myself. Instead I am full of apprehension of my well being, sadness, loneliness, concussion, and sorrow. All of my day is filled with just surfing one day to the next, I don’t ever get to a place that us just good so I can try to begin to figure all of this out, look for a job, knowing no-one is going to hire me in this condition. I allowed my husband to take everything from me, reduce me to nothing. You cannot make something out of nothing.
I need money for a vehicle, a small space to live so I can sleep, and become employed again. I need clothing, shoes, food. All of this takes money. I know I can turn things around for me if I can just get back to a stable starting place.
I’ve always shared everything I have had. It is so heartbreaking that the people I have helped whenever they ask, cannot or will not share the basics with me in this life. Narcissistic abuse is very damaging and no-one wants to see that it’s there.