Not much showing it more how much desperate I am right now than posting this here. I’ve been always realistic about my situation and right now I also know that there are more people who are much more in need than I am. But mentally I reached a point where I am not sure how to go any further, not less where. One thing is for sure: away.
I’m in my mid 20s in Budapest, Hungary. If you know anything about my country, chances are that you know politics here are getting more and more awful and living a decent, fair life is getting impossible. People are disappearnig, getting into jail for no reason for at least a few months, and when they get out, their life work is gone. Education and cultural life is in its ruins and what’s worse, most of the people do not care. People who care and dare to step up, shortly after go down. I can go into details about bts facts if you’d want me to, but for now, it should be enough to say that every sane person is about to run away from here. It is a society that cannot cheer. We become more and more bitter and most of the people are only happy when it is worse for you somehow.
I stayed quite long even after realizing this. I did my BA and my MA as well. I studied international relations, and worked my butt off to get a scholarship to my dream destination, to one of the most prestigious universities in Japan. And I won. I won it all. A full scholarship, acceptance by both sides and an internship. And guess what then? Yes, Covid. It is so true, how this pandemic changed lives. Turned everything upside down. And it hurts, still hurts so much. I have waited more than one year, postponing my departure up until the point where I could not do it anymore. Japan did not open the borders and I had to finish my studies as there was no option for me to finance any more semesters. A dream disappeared. One I was working towards for 5 years. Like someone would stab into your guts. I got depression not long after, and started to work. Luckily I got a job paying well, but after a few months I found myself exhausted and with 40 degrees fever because I had no days off in 3 months, working 4 persons roles at the same time. I not only had no time for my own creative ideas which was plan B after Japan, but also worked myself sick and had to quit my job. Depression got worse.
But I want to get out. I want to heal, I want to do all the things I had no chance to do so far and finally become the owner of my life. I would like to find some help to kick off. Family and friends are not option at this point. So here I am speaking up and hoping that there are ears out there hearing and listening. I would appreciate any help from anyone kind enough.
My plan is to enroll in courses that can help me into the new chapter of my life and learn cinematography and photography, to tell my stories to the people, as well as creative marketing and intercultural studies. After my major, I am pursuing the ability to work on international cultural and educational challenges from individual and community levels and helping our societies to better understand each other and heal from a miserable system.
If you think you could help me fulfill my dreams, or at least to get back on track, I would be forever grateful for your generosity and would definitely thank you in person, too, if possible!
Best,
G