It’s the hardest thing to do in the world.
Asking for help.
Swallowing your pride and reaching out to loved ones and friends.
But the response was overwhelming. Instead of feeling shame, I felt pride.
The problem with mental health in men is that we’re programmed to be the alpha male from birth. We cannot show weakness, only strength.
Of course, mental health is just like our physical self. We have peaks and troughs, good times and bad times. The problem is, our pain and suffering is internalized. No one can see what we see.
It’s a horrible, horrible place to be.
My downward spiral started when I was kicked out of home and left to fend for myself. When I saw my friends living the life, I wanted to enjoy the moments, be tagged on Facebook, share the memories. Instead, I was trapped in my flat, accruing more debt as bills and rent accounted for 110% of my salary. The loneliness crept in, doubts emerged in my mind, my self-confidence took a huge dent.
Things did get better for a while. But then there was a crushing blow.
I was in a new job, stressful but financially rewarding for once. I could see an optimistic future.
Then I found out my sister was terminally ill with cancer.
Each year, the months go past as triggers to that event. I know the exact time and date I found out the news, to the hospital visits, the place where I was when we were told she had a month left, and the final days in the Hospice.
Compounding this with three redundancies, a career that has gone sideways and no real support network to speak of meant of course I spiraled deep into a dark place.
I even contemplated how I could join my sister. I thought it best I could go for a run, listen to some music, and just casually jog out in front of a truck. Why I picked that method I’ll never know!
I found to get back to an even keel, I had to try and reach new pleasures. For me, that was food and drink. As a kid, we didn’t each much. As a student, and then in my early 20s, I used to binge. So much so, I again spent more than I could afford. Which of course, made me even more depressed.
It’s such an annoying wasted life I’ve been living, now I’m in my late 30s, deep debt, but rich in love. That’s what I’m focusing on to stay healthy
I’m asking for a little help to provide my family with the Christmas they deserve for putting up with me. A few $ here and there will make a huge difference to us.
The next decade is just a few months away. Your help is going to help us put the past behind us. Thank you.