Hello everyone. This is not something that I ever thought that I would need to do and I feel terribly ashamed that I have no other options and have to ask for help in this way.
So here it goes. I am a 29 years old, almost 30 (3days away) Gay male from the uk, My name is Jacob
For the past 9 years I have been in a relationship with the love of my life Lee
Lee was my soul mate, my true love and my absolute best friend in the whole world.
I genuinely knew it and I felt it from the very first moment that we met each other, and the feelings still carry though to this moment and will for the rest of my life. I have always worked for us both and had our lives heading in the right direction.
We met when he was 18 and me 21, at times it was very hard, as he has always suffered from a chronic pain condition and resulting bad mental health. I never saw any of that as an issue though, he had such an amazing personality that always shined through all of that, even on bad days
So it Is with a truly heavy and utterly broken heart that i inform you that he passed away on the 28th of November after taking a couple of diazepam too many, probably to cope with a pain flare up he was having.
The night before I went up to bed early as I was very tired, I kissed him good night and woke the next day to find him still downstairs sat on the sofa.
I knew the moment that I saw him and my heart shattered into a million pieces, I dropped to my knees in front of him and wept so hard I could barely breathe. I haven’t really stopped for any considerable time since that day, I will forever mourn his loss. If I’m totally honest, in that moment and over the past couple of month I have been battling thoughts of just wanting to join him. Even so far as planning it out a few times, the grief has been uncontrollable because I know I’ll never find anyone who can match my soul as perfect as he did.
I don’t want to do it, I never believed anyone should do either, every individual life is worth something and we are all lucky to be here even though at times some of us would rather not be
I am going through counselling and seeking help to cope with my loss of him as hard as it is.
I need help because I’ve lost my job due to the amount of time I have had off. Savings depleted and because we were only engaged and not married I do not qualify to get any help from bereavement support and only help available is universal credit which doesn’t even scratch my bills.
I am even struggling for food, I have our two huskies to look after as well, which we both adore, I go without some weeks just to make sure they get what they need first I wouldn’t ever leave them short.
Family have helped all they can but can’t anymore due to problems in their own lives.
My Debts have mounted up fast and I will soon face losing my home. I need to rent a smaller cheaper properly that is closer to my family while I begin to somewhat heal from this,
The help I am asking for is to cover moving costs, housing bond, rent in advance and to pay off some of the more serious debts that I have.
Thank you for reading, if I get any help what so ever I will forever be humbled by your generosities.
 when I am back on my feet again working full time and earning a good income like before I will scour this page and pick a few individuals like myself who need the help as bad as I doÂ