As the title states I am stereotyped because of my gender. And because my gender is male, in the eyes of a Northern California County court system I am immediately guilty of being a deadbeat Dad.
That being said now you need to know where I am coming from.
I was married for 11 years to a woman I thought I knew. We have two boys a year and two months apart. Great kids. Attentive in school and respectful. I couldn’t have asked for better.
Divorced now for several years and looking back there were so many red flags I blindly missed concerning my relationship with my wife. She was clearly unhappy at home. I was unhappy away from home and 5 days a week I worked. I worked hard. I still work hard.
Reversing what is typically known for spousal abuse I was the one who wore the black eyes. I still bear the scar on my right cheek the size and shape of the 1/4 ct diamond setting from her wedding ring. I grew up with my single mother, older identical twin sisters and my sweet late grandmother.
I was raised not to lay a hand on a woman. Never have and never will. Took some beatings too growing up which only made me tougher. So anything my wife could dish I could take asking her each time “Do you feel better now?”
I loved her. Never called the cops on her. The mother of my children didn’t belong in jail. I didnt want to lose her. I also has no idea how to make her happy.
Rising early one morning to get ready for work I noticed she wasn’t home. She had been partying a lot with the neighbors and our mutual friends. After getting through my normal routine of preparing for work I walked next door. Didn’t knock and walked in. I knew something was up.
She was straddling the neighbors cousin on the couch. Thats all I needed to see to confirm what I felt might be going on. She smirked, I turned and walked out.
I rounded up my boys and headed to my mothers so they could be in an environment I felt was safe for them then went to work. Two days later we had our own place. A one bedroom apartment but it was ours. She immediately started collecting welfare. Claiming full custody of the kids to two separate agencies in two different states. California and Missouri where her mother and sister moved to and where she occasionally visits.
I have documentation of the fraud. Presented it to the courts at several different hearings only to be silenced never to be heard or recognized as the good father I am. It hurt to be treated unfairly, labelled as a worthless man especially after all of my hard work.
I have lost my license on several occasions because of the mounting child support that has been wrongly appointed to me. I am forced to pay an amount not realistic to my income forcing me to miss some payments to a system that is electronically controlled that automatically revokes my license followed by a large penalty to reinstate it only to face this trap again and again. This is destroying everything I have.
I am fearful of what is to come. I’ve been arrested because of it. My boys are suffering because of it and we are about to lose our home. She lacks maternal feelings and could care less as long as she gets her way. She is laughing all the way to the atm. I cant afford a lawyer or private investigator. Nobody will listen.
I beg for any help that can help relieve me, and, god willing, one day release me from this damaging and unjust obligation put upon me.
$650 owed per child per month. $1300 total +
$950.00 rent monthly = $2250.00
$17 hour, 8 hour days, 5 days weekly, $2720 monthly – $2250.00 = $470 food, clothing, gas
Even good men are unfairly judged and mistreated. Condemned and forced to suffer in silence.