I’ve been on pins, needles and eggshells because he keeps it that way. He’s Three years older than me and quickly became one of the family. He had everyone charmed. My parent’s adored him. He’s fun, exciting, loves to laugh and make people happy. A real people person. At 17 he had A job and his own car and would kindly and quickly fix anything he could at the drop of a hat.
I am a subdued personality. Just the type he needed. I was pregnant and married to him at 16. He promised my dad he would take care of me and claimed he believed in hard work and family. Sounds good, right?.
Things were pretty good while we lived with my sister and her family. A few months later we moved into a rented trailer out in the ding weeds.
Our baby was born in September and my family moved south the following March. My sweet Joy was Six months old.
Mike’s behaviors brought to my mind thing’s I heard, such as “Guys just grow up slower and he’ll grow out of it. Love endures all. Remember your vows. We’re married to better for worse. Your parents know what’s best for you.
During our dating day breakups, he simply would not stay away from me and my family. I never told why I broke up nor did I cry. I was brought up to care about other’s first, but not to burden anyone with my problems. I was taught that nothing goes outside of these wall’s.
My parent’s alcoholism and fighting would never be a part of my new family. I know how it felt and no way was I gonna scare my baby regardless of Mike’s constant accusations of infidelity and partying.
His first attack happened when Joy was 2 weeks old. Embarrassment and self disbelief, caused my stumbled attempts to tell mom what Mike had done. She adored him and I was certain she wouldn’t possibly believe he could be capable of such hateful disgusting behaviors. That was the last day my baby was able to nurse. My milk wouldn’t let down. I had a vision of, if I told mom, that dad would go after Mike and even get my strong big brother after him. It happened Twice in the past against neighborhood bullies on my behalf when I was younger and couldn’t let that happen. I loved all of them so much!
I had 5 page’s written out of hateful abuse from Mike before I realized that this is a never-ending story, so I’ll cut to the quick and simple state that I call myself Abuse Victim Anonymous. I’ll add, there are millions of us. I’m not an unusual fact. I am however not asking for a handout. I’m asking for a hand up. I have so much to share with my true life experiences. Warnings of what to watch out for, so other’s hopefully don’t end up where I’m at. Especially those who are young like I was. We come from all walks of life. I’m finally ready to stand up for myself and hopefully other’s. I need to learn how to run a website. I can’t do it because I’m here all the time and so is Mike. I can’t be alone because he needs the control. He can’t stand not knowing what I’m doing and where I’m at. As long as he has his S.S., beer, T.V. and me, where he wants me, then that’s how it is. I’ve been raped ( Two of my babies) Kicked, shoved into and inside of things and other objects. I’ve had his fist in my head 3 times. Long story. He was pretending to be asleep. I.’ve been kneed in my back and kept in the dark and cold. Had mysterious ills, been brainwashed and been his slave. I’ve been set up in many ways, including younger, stronger girls sent to beat me up. He uses others to bully band wagon against me when I finally get a free time away from him. He’s out there everywhere. I’m not and can’t put my defence up against his lies. Sorry about the rant. There’s so much more. A lot more. Every one of us victims have a story to tell and like myself most don’t tell, because FEAR is the biggest reason why. Threats on every level. From the killing themselves to stealing the bady so I’ll never see her again. All about abuse, in every way to have sick control over me. During one of his daily drunken spells, he said the reason he can’t stand me is because he was forced to marry me. That’s why, in his sick head he is able to reason away how he treats me. It wasn’t his choice to keep the baby.
I am lucky to have WiFi and a cheap computer. As long as I have YouTube then I’ll leave him to his T.V. He don’t want anything to do with internet so I assume that he don’t know what I’m doing is possible. I really don’t know much of what I’m doing on the internet either.
Even though monetary abuse is among his controling abuses I have been able to get enough money to get a D. B. A. Then a P.O. Box. Nerve wracking. This is nerve wracking. Like I said I don’t know much about computers and internet. I’m learning though, when I can, I have typed out short stories after the drunk abuser crashes. I want to be able to put them out there for others to learn and listen to. I need to be free from him. I need have alone time to learn to have a website so I can make it on my own. Why not just leave, go to the safe house, get a job etc. Been there. We deal with controlling abusers. They have their , so called ( people everywhere ) Any way, being safely tucked in, (which is, by the way, what getting used to seclusion is all about)
Here is a picture of what I want to achieve. This one is 3,133 words. I have other’s. Wonderful you 1 and 2. Head games, and working on several more. Not an easy task reliving what has been done to me and my kid’s.
Thank you in advance for helping me . I want to be able to help others out of the same honorable crap I’ve had to deal with for years.
I’m told 3 Thousand should get me a divorce as long as he don’t dispute it. Wish me luck. I have need of a vehicle. 5 Thousand for a decent one that will be tended if there is issues. Freedom from this old tin can my abuser calls for my home. 3 Thousand to settle elsewhere, giving me time to get counseling and learn how to run a website.
PayPal me please at email@example.com My p.o. Box is Abuse victim anonymous support, P.O. Box 204, Salamanca . N.y. 14779.
Thank you in