It has never been my intention, to “beg for money.” Truth be told my life has consisted of much giving myself.
What Happened? Since I need the person receiving this message to grasp the depths of the type person I am and with just this simple and short message. Sounds almost
impossible right? Yet here I am at 62 years old, doing
Without much to say as to how I got here I’m going to
briefly state the life I’ve had in as short of words
I have 2 college degrees
I have been up and I have been down
My life hasn’t been wasted feeling sorry for myself.
And given the number of traumatic and life changing
events that apparently God felt I could handle,
the strength that I have gained as a confident,
charismatic individual that I am now and the
way that I was then, the only analogy that I can
come up with is that of a rock today, and a small
branch then. One that 30 years ago, could easily be
blown away. Since I wasn’t rooted at that time, it
was easy for me to second guess myself and to remain
quiet due to being unsure of myself.
Today I am here fully in the present, I am wrapped in
a descent physical shape and face and hair. I am so
very grateful for all the blessings in my life.
I am smart enough to realize that I owe my life to
God/Love. Love is everything, and it was God who
carried me when I was in so much pain.
Starting in 2005-August I lost my father who only had
a history of HTN. In March 2007 I lost my mother who
had no medical history at all. I am an only child.
I had lived a sheltered life and I was vulnerable and
naive. But again please understand its’ these painful
losses that I could physically feel and I was scared
to be without my mom and dad.
But I had my 2 children at the time they were
21 and a few months shy of 18. I raised them alone
after divorcing their dad for physically abusing me.
Again please understand I’m not complaining and they
we’re raised middle class with love and what I could
afford to give them and they came first. I always
worked. Since I was 15 when I started at Schallers
in NY. Like I said I am 62 now and still working.
August of 2007 and without warning my son was robbed
and shot in the head on a sunny Sunday in Desert
Shores in Las Vegas, where I have resided since 2001
He was shot in my car on a sunny Sunday afternoon
in a less than risky neighborhood and he had never
carried or even learned much about guns.
In 2019 my daughter and I received the news that
his executioner was found and he has been sentenced
to 16 years in NV prison.
Of course I have skipped the devastation that I felt
and the fact that ending my life was forefront on my
mind for close to 2 years. Ive also skipped the
devastation that at the time was also going on
as a result of my stupidity or naivety of choosing
to believe in another man and then proceeding to
trust him. I didn’t take him long to dismantle any
and all “things ” that I had accumulated and once I
realized he was not on my side, my home that I owned
by myself, the cars I had obtained 1 for myself and
1 for my daughter, my profession, my possessions,
my identity, and my job were all in jeopardy of being
taken and without enough money or the ability to
continue to work both mentally and emotionally
or the strength to fight my now marred reputation
I gave up for some time, moved in with my daughter
and her new husband and raised my 2 grandkids now
13 and 10.
About 5 years ago I regained enough feelings of self
worth and gathered myself up and started again
looking for work. Since I never had enough money to
fight the damage that was done with the state board
nursing in another state, I knew I had to begin all
over again, but again I did. I persisted and learned
and was grateful for the small amount of money that
I was able to make and I soon obtained the financial
stability to rent a house by myself for $975.
Although a far cry from what I am used to
as far as neighborhood and or employment again I
found myself being thankful for the ability to feed
myself my dogs and pay for my phone car house
internet power etc….
Now it has been 5 years that I have learned what it’s
like to work by serving customers and I still do it
to this day. My employer pays us an hourly wage
that is just enough to be able to say that we are
making what the law states we should be making.
I work 4 nights a week and I can honestly say that
in my entire life I have never worked as hard
physically as I do now. But again I am not
complaining, I am again grateful. Not just for the
job itself but the opportunity that it has given me.
That opportunity might seem substandard to most and
I can guarantee that without the emotional breakdowns
and the complete loss of my family and son, this
unique situation to serve others and work so hard
without breaks (I run the tavern alone at night)
so there is no one to cover us at (Dottys) which is
a local casino with 15 machines, this is not a place
where I would have chosen to work. The work is hard
the pay is horrible and without the generosity of
the local patrons many who return week after week,
sometimes I believe just to make sure that we (the
bartender) or casino host” housekeeper, jackpot
payer, slot tech, cocktail and food server, ID
checker and the monitor of all patrons coming and
going, do in fact go home with some money (tips)
to make it all worth while, there is NO WAY that I
could have been allowed to remain independent, in my
own (rental home) or be able to pay for my car to
get there (work). SO my appreciation runs deep
and the amount of persons that I have come across
that I have been able to feel the true pleasure
of getting to “know” combined with the realization
of how far removed I would have been had these
life changing traumatic events not occurred.
Again I didn’t ask for them I didn’t contribute to
them nor did I have any inkling that they were coming
yet here I am still alive still grateful still
connecting with and making a difference in the lives
of many different types of people and again I am
grateful. I have no fear anymore like I used to and
the home I rent is on the other side of town.
A side of town riddled with crime and problems.
Yet again I stand without fear, filled with love
the anger is gone, I have forgiven my sons murderer.
I am done being mad at God for leaving me all alone
here with just my daughter who I am so grateful for
and my grandkids that have filled my life up in ways
that I never dreamed possible.
Yet, I am not getting any younger, there is no family
that will leave me a home or money as I hear so many
others talking about. Even though I was an only child
my parents did the best they could but they both
worked full time at blue collar jobs they 2nd
mortgaged the house just to make ends meet and
when they died they owed money out to creditors and
since the bank really owned it they took the house.
they had been married 52 years and I was raised in
the same house until adulthood. Their small $16,000
life insurance policy paid for their funerals and
my daughter and I had to borrow most of the money
to bury my son.
Money….living paycheck to paycheck….tip to tip…
that is the reality of my life and as anyone can
imagine their is barely any left after the Monthly
bills have been satisfied. And again I am not
complaining, Truth be told I am a homebody and I live
to far from work to socialize the days that I’m off.
I’m OK with that. My daughter got divorced, got her
PHD and packed up the kids and moved back to NY
where we are from and where I was born and raised.
They have been gone just under 2 years. I have
managed to scrape together the money to fly back a
couple times over these past couple years and for
that I am grateful.
But given the history of losses both physically
mentally and emotionally I am exhausted. I worry
every day of my life if this is going to be the day
when I don’t make enough money to stay independent
enough to live on my own. And I am always stressed.
I am so grateful for the contributions of the patrons
who are going above and beyond their own means
sometimes just to make sure that we make enough
money to survive.There has never been enough money
to not live day to day.
I guess the reason I have decided to reach out
for monetary help, is a couple reasons.
1. Im going to be 63. I am healthy but you never
2. It would be so awesome to be able to hire a moving
company at some point and move back to NY.
3. Secondary to the humiliation and embarrassment
that I felt having to live with my daughter in the
first place back those years ago, I don’t think I
could truly survive emotionally as the burden that I
felt I had placed on her then was almost to much for
me to handle. I can’t go through it again. It would
kill me emotionally to have to ask to live with her
and her family again. And it’s not that they
wouldn’t love to have me its the fact that my life
was so poorly planned by me with regard to my future
combined with the severe mistakes I made by trusting
the untrustable, I would wake up every day feeling
like I was nothing but a financial burden and it was
no ones fault but my own.
The ability to live even in the hood as I do now
and have them come visit me or me them proudly
without the concerns that another mouth to feed
would bring would be life changing for me and that
comes as a result of getting older. I don’t think I
could survive starting all over again a third time.
Not to mention employment choices in your 60s are
I was never one to try and “come up” on someone
else, and I was usually the one that others would
want to “come up” on and I never turned anyone down.
All times the “help” that I gave has never been
returned, and again I am not angry and I forgive
but for the love of God, I would just like the
feeling of being able to move independently. The
money to purchase a home or 2. Maybe one out here
for the winters back there and one back there for
the summers out here. I would like for my daughter
to not have to worry about me and not have to look
at me like she pitys me for what I have had to go
through and the fact that I am poor. There is no
hope in sight either. What little retirement I had
coming I started collecting this year, and it has
helped in that I have been able to pay for this house
without worrying about whether or not I will make
enough tips. But thats it after all those years of
working I am only entitled to collect $1500 a month.
No more No less. No husbands money no parents
money or insurance or home. There is not enough
money to move down the street that I’m on let alone
back to NY to be near my family sometimes.
Since there is a website called “begging for money”
I’m assuming there are people out there who are
comfortable enough financially to be able to help or
give to those in need.
No one might read this but then again someone might?
It is my hope that this written testament in it’s
very shortened version of my life, reaches someone
who understands the value in giving to those in need.
It is also my hope that should there be a person like
that out there that this write up reaches that that
person can feel the genuineness and the love and
appreciation that I have within my heart, and that
my short story comes from my heart as it does
truthfully state my hearts desire and my needs.
Please understand I wouldn’t want any help from
someone who could not really give it and also please
understand that any help that is given to me will
also help so many others that I will come in
contact with every day, be it for one reason or
Lastly I want to thank you for taking the time to
read this, not to mention thank you for you and
for your kindess and grace and your willingness to
share some of your own fortune that you are able
Thank you, Shannon Capri PayPal.me