I’ve always hated asking for help. I’ve always been stubborn about the idea that if someone else out there can do it then so can I. I have finally been kicked low enough that I’m getting hopeless.
How I got to where I am
About 3 years ago I was working as an acting store manager in a mall and it got to the point where I knew I needed to find something else. The mall was extremely unsafe (three shooting happened while working there) and the company I was working for was horrible. I was having to work 12-hour shifts by myself day after day and was given no support. Eventually, though I was able to find a promising job as an assistant store manager for another company. I was told that my position would start out kind of complicated. They were opening a new location in my city and before they finished construction that I would be working as a part-time key holder. I was told that it had to be this way because there was an already existing location that was needing an assistant store manager and that if she put me at that position they would put me there.
long story short I was lied to. I struggled to maintain my bills and I started to dig myself a hole of debt. I have since tried to get my debt under control but it’s been beyond complicated. I was finally able to leave that store for another where I was going to be making 13 an hour and it was going to be fulltime! I was so excited until something I’ve been struggling with since I was a kid started taking a turn for the worse. I struggle with severe depression and anxiety. Working in retail and dealing with those two things don’t mix well. I was having a bad day with my mental health, all my customer were being unbelievably rude to me, and to top it all off one of my coworker was stealing my sales for the millionth time that month. I lost it and went off on her… I didn’t hit her or anything it was just a bunch of name-calling and yelling. I’ll admit it wasn’t my proudest moment but I was being threatened by management that if my numbers didn’t get better my pay was about to get cut so just everything added up and I lost it. I, of course, lost my job after that. I have since been able to get out of retail but I’ve only been able to maintain a part-time job.
Since then my mental health has only gotten worse. I’ve tried to do what I can to cope and try and make it better myself but I really feel like I need to see a professional to really get to the root of the problem. I’ve tried working on my diet, working out more, and also journaling to try and get some of the garbage out of my head. I’ve tried self-help videos and mindfulness practices. Nothing seems to help and I’m just so tired of feeling broken and helpless.
What I am looking for
I would love to be able to go see a therapist and maybe be able to get on some medication to help get myself on the right track. This way maybe I can maintain a fulltime job without having a breakdown.
I would also love to be able to get out from under the 20,500 worth I have acquired in debt. It’s all now been sent to collections and it’s only a matter of time before I get dragged to court.
It would mean the world to me if you could spare anything at all to give me some kind of hope that this feeling won’t last forever.