Hello and thank you for reading.
Mom and dad were married for almost 20 years. Many things didn’t make sense to me at the time but sadly, I have come to realize my father is financially irresponsible, self-entitled, is incapable of feeling guilt or remorse for anything and always has excuses ready for his bad behavior. Thanks to a therapist mom was able to see who he really was and the emotional and financial abuse he inflicted on us over the years and was able to break from him and his abusive behavior. I am sad to admit dad has a gift for manipulating, lying (he can cry on demand) and re-writing history to suit his narrative regardless of who gets hurt. This is one example:
The area we live in is not very expensive to live but everyone needs a car to get to work or school. It is a mountainous community where there is no public transportation like subways, trains or buses. It is rural so breaking down on the side of the road with no phone signal scares me some.
In 2017 mom put a good down payment on a car for me that I would be able to us through college. Since I was 17, dad took out the loan in his name and I made a deal to give him the car payment every month so he could pay it. I went to school and worked and was able to give him the monthly payment. There were a couple of times when I didn’t have the payment and he complained about it but said he would cover it (he hardly contributed any money to pay bills and almost all the family financial obligations went to mom).
In 2020, he became more insistent on me giving him the car payment the first of every month which I did. During COVID shut down, I continued to pay the monthly payment. By the end of the year though, mom found a tow truck circling the driveway and became suspicious. It turns out my father hadn’t made a car payment in over 6 months. Turns out, the car loan had been cancelled back in May of 2020 because at that time, he was 6 months behind on payments which means he had been taking HIS OWN DAUGHTER’S money each month for a year and had not made a car payment with it…he was just spending it in restaurants and taking day trips (mom went back to his bank statements to see where the money went). This was heartbreaking for me on many levels. I knew he felt entitled to my mother’s earnings and anything she had which was bad enough but I never thought he would be so low as to grift from his own teenage daughter. I later found out he emptied out my younger sister’s savings account too. He had a custodial account with her and she had a part time job where she put all her paychecks into. That money is gone too.
When he was confronted he made excuses and actually blamed me for it. He said I gave him cash every month and that how was he supposed to remember and keep track of that cash so that it was my fault he didn’t make the car payment. I was left speechless. By this time, he and mom were no longer together but it was devastating to her nonetheless. Mom had to fight off the repo guy and we have been trying for six months to get the money together to get another used car that is dependable and can carry me until I finish college but we have only been able to save $2000.
I have been trying to establish my credit but won’t qualify for a car loan yet. I want to avoid a “buy her pay here” place because those places sell bad cars at high interest rates and I need a dependable car. I am trying to go to college and have a full time job. Mom was able to give me s$500 towards a car but dad left a massive financial hole and she is in the middle of trying to save the house and fighting her own financial battles most of which were caused by dad. He is gone and has left her to deal with it on her own. We were able to find a Subaru for $4500 that would be dependable for what I need. One less bill to pay means I can focus more time and energy on getting my college degree.
The anxiety and stress of knowing that at any moment I will walk out of work or my apartment to find the car gone is beginning to take its toll. I called dad and asked him for $2500 that we needed to buy the car and pay fees and insurance and he said he didn’t have it…he has been sleeping on his sister’s couch for seven months rent free, works two jobs, yet has been unable to save any money. I am growing desperate. I know in the grand scheme of things this isn’t the worst that could happen to someone. We have $2000 saved up but need another $3000 to buy the car and pay taxes and fees. We are grateful for many things, but I am at a loss as to what to do. Thank you for reading!