A little about me. I am a mother of a 2 year old girl and 4 year old boy. I 28 and married. I have found myself in a situation that it wearing down my mental health. I am doing everything within my control but it is not enough. This month has been has been especially hard because most of our income is going towards a lawyer. My husband is facing 8 months in jail and he needs $500 to retain his attorney. My internet bill, and cell phone have both been disconnected. I can live without them but my kids hate it. I wanted to give my kids a better life than I had as a kid but right now I am struggling.
Since our children were born my husband has failed us. He had only had part time jobs on and off and has not worked since April 2017. In Dec 2017 I found out that he developed an addiction to Meth. In Aug of 2018 He went to rehab for 30 days where he cheated on me. I did not find out until Jan of 2019 when he was in jail. I was ready to get a divorce and leave him. That was until I got a call from the jail that he was sexually assaulted. I didn’t have it in my heart to leave him during a crisis. Since then he has been clean and slowly returning to himself. He is facing jail time due to probation violations. He violated by missing court and missing probation meetings in fear of being taken into custody for missing court.
I have always paid my bills and never ask for help but I would like to get through a couple of months with out the stress. If I could win the lottery it would be life changing and I would help everyone in my family that was in need. We currently live in low income housing. My husband is unemployed and I work 20 hrs a week at 16.78/hr. I am also a full time college student (on summer break). Our rent is 420 and is income based and includes all utilities. If you do the math it seems a good deal but they do not consider my $250 car payment, $150 auto insurance, $75 cell bill, and $79 internet bill plus $100 I use to supplement for food after we use our “food stamps.”
I try to live as financially responsible as possible and always make sure bills are paid and kids are clothed and fed before I spend anything. I am going to school for my BA in social work that way I can make a better living. I have no piece because I am always looking for ways to cut back and arrange bills to be able to live a little. Even if I pick up more hours or my husband starts to work it will not make a difference because our rent will increase. I feel horrible that anxiety prevents me from enjoying my family. I have recently begin isolating myself because I do not want them to notice the changes in me. On top of all of this, we just caught head lice and scabies. I don’t know what I did to deserve this. I am always one to help others and I just need a break. I’m afraid if things don’t start to get easier I am going to have a mental break down.
I do not qualify for TANF or any other programs that offer help. I just want to be happy and enjoy life. Sometimes I feel like giving up. I am hard working, I am nice, honest, and am always trying my best to do the right thing but it feels like I am being punished. Life just keeps getting more expensive. I realize so many others have it worse than me. I pray that if anything God gives them happiness, peace and contentment. That’s all I want. If you could help out with anything it would be a huge blessing until I can find a better way. TIA