I would like to start by thanking you for taking the time to read my story. Asking for help has never been easy for me so, whether you decide to help me on my journey or not, please know I am very, very grateful for your time.
I am currently 26 years old. The past 9 years have been filled with loss, pain and deep depression. I have been blessed in recent years with an opportunity to continue towards my dreams and improve and take control of my mental health. Unfortunately, the old me has left me in a financial mess I can never seem to catch up with.
I was a dancer from the young age of 2. My mom enrolled me to socialize me and keep me busy. From there, my love for the sport grew and grew each year. Dance was no longer a hobby for me but an expressive outlet. A special place to escape my parents divorce, my emotionally abusive family and the bullies I eventually attracted at school.
I fell in love with dance and always carried the dream of opening my own studio. I wanted to share with the world my passion. I wanted to create a space for other children to feel safe and welcome. A place they can let go and be whoever they wanted to be.
At the age of 17 I started to struggle with collapsing arches. I went to a doctor, and without getting an explanation or a second opinion, ended up getting surgery on both my feet. I was not aware at the time but this would be the harsh end to my dance career. AFTER my surgery was when I made this discovery. If I would have had this information, I would have waited and finished my senior year, graduating from my studio.
Losing dance was like losing my identity. I fell into a deep depression which led me down a dark road of self destruction. I was a senior in High School, months from graduating, and I was now forced to figure out the rest of my life. I went to community college for 3 years, racking up 11,000 in debt for a degree I couldn’t finish. Nothing felt right. There was nothing else in this world for me without dance.
Those 3 years are an anxious blur. I ended up in an abusive relationship that led to a horrible engagement. One night a friend from work invited me over to a house he was watching to hang out. I was told other people would be there. When I got there it was only him and another guy I graduated High School with. I was told again more people were on their way. I should have gone home.
I had 2 drinks that were both made for me. The last thing I remember I was on the phone with my mom. Then I blacked out. I came to and I was laying on the floor, with no clothes on, vomiting on myself. I struggled to the bathroom, in and out of consciousness. I found myself in a dark place. I had no idea where I was but it was warm and wet. For the first time in years I felt nothing. No internal suffering. No self doubt. I came to again on the shower floor, getting buckets of cold water dumped on me. I was an inconvenience to them. God forbid I die and stain their reputations.
The next morning I drove myself to the hospital. My head was pounding, my whole body ached and I honestly had no idea what had happened to me. I just knew I had to get out of that house. I was embarrassed. I thought I was responsible for what had happened to me.
At the hospital I was treated for a grade 3 concussion. I was covered from head to toe in large bruises. The doctors confirmed I was raped. They had no idea how I was still alive. In fact, I had died on that shower floor. What had brought me back? Why would I want to come back to a world that was so cold and evil.
I decided to keep that night to myself. I did not press charges and I did not tell my family. I decided I wanted to be a survivor and not a victim. I wanted it to be over. On my terms, not the terms of a judge and jury.
Carrying this secret was a heavy burden on my back. I slipped into a deeper depression and used alcohol as my crutch. My engagement ended, my mom moved away without me, I lost all my friends and I was unable to keep a job. I relied on credit cards to pay my bills and wound up in a massive amount of credit card debt.
There were many times I wanted to end my life. My story is grim but it is also a lesson to keep going. This horrific event in my life led me to meet my soulmate.
I ended up on an online dating site looking for hookups to fill the lonely void my life had become. That is where I met the love of my life. Our relationship was not perfect. We were both broken souls (he had recently lost his grandmother suddenly in a car crash) but we became each-others light.
Together we discovered the power of spirituality. We began to meditate, gave up alcohol and developed more self care routines over time. We moved 30 mins away from my hometown, forcing me to find a new job.
I was blessed with the opportunity to run the desk at a local dance studio. I was finally back to what I loved!! Around this time I was diagnosed with Hashimoto’s Thyroiditis, an autoimmune disorder that attacks my thyroid. I have had to completely change my diet. I have given up dairy, meat and gluten.
It has been a year and a half now, and I feel like a new person. My outlook on life is way more positive than it’s ever been and I am back to planning to open my own studio.
Unfortunately, my financial situation has not changed much. I am still struggling with the debts of my past. I am trying so hard to live a better life for myself but it is very difficult to pay off my debt, keep up with the cost of living and follow my dietary restrictions.
I feel like I am so close to blossoming into the woman I am meant to be. I want to share my story with other people. I want to motivate them to want more and to keep going! And I want to open my studio!!
Please help me in reaching my goals. I have so much I want to give back! And again I thank you for taking the time to read my story. I hope it inspires you.
Namaste, the light in me recognizes and honors the light in you.