So, to type this, I’ve had to come to terms with so much in such a short amount of time, that it’s still unbelievable in my mind that it’s even happened. It’s hard to admit or say out loud for that matter, so much so that I’ve only been able to say it once, to my mom and son. I thought I was telling them something they knew nothing about, but little did I know, they already knew along with the rest of my family, as well as half the town too. I thought this was some tragic secret I was about to lay on my family, to watch them crumble to their knees crying for me, wishing it weren’t true, but oh how wrong I was. That’s the day I realized how left in the dark I was and how much more hurt I had become because of it. I may as well just lay it out there like I got it told to me, so here goes.
Around two years ago, I got a message from my then-boyfriend’s ex-girlfriend. She was crazy, he proclaimed many times before this day. He had me believing that she was one of the craziest women to walk the face of this planet, which she might have been, who knows. All I knew after that day was that she was my saving grace because she bought me more time on this earth with my son and loved ones. What she told me made my jaw hit the floor beneath my feet. I didn’t speak for two whole weeks after reading her message. I couldn’t believe that the man I loved and had been with, at this point in our relationship, for three years now, could lie to me and keep such an important secret from me, that ultimately could and still may, take my life away. It can take my son’s only parent away, forever. How could someone be so selfish, I thought. What I found out was forever life-changing and nothing would ever be the same for me from that day forward. I found out that my boyfriend had HIV, and never once had he mentioned it to me the whole three years we had been together. I guess he was just going to watch me wither away and die from succumbing to this ugly disease. He had no plans of telling me about it and probably still wouldn’t have to this very day. I remember getting into so many arguments with him because I could tell there was something he wasn’t telling me, and I’d say that to him. I’d ask him, “What is it that you’re not telling me, because I can tell whatever it is, is important?” He stuck to his guns that nothing was wrong and that he wasn’t keeping any secrets from me, promising me that I was just crazy and that my gut wasn’t always right, as I so often proclaimed it to be. If you’re wondering, yes it is, my gut has never been wrong. Always listen to what your guts trying to tell you. So, once I found out, I didn’t mention it to him for two weeks. It hit me that same evening that I found out, that yup, I was right, there was something he wasn’t telling me, and boy was it huge! He’d played God and taken my life from me, determining my fate for me. And I thought that was bullshit. How totally unfair to do that to someone, and not only to me, but he did it to her too! How could someone do that to countless women and just keep doing it? He’s one sick puppy I can promise you that, and one day I hope he pays for what he’s done to me and his ex, and God knows who else. I had to ask him, how could you sleep with me the first time we ever had sex, knowingly, and not use protection, how could you and why would you? He never gave me an answer. Probably still couldn’t to this very day. All he had to do was wear a condom, I remember even seeing one on his nightstand next to the bed we had sex in! Why would someone knowingly take another’s life into their own hands like they’re God, and take them away from their kids forever more, essentially ruining them and their lives for the rest of their lives, however long that may be now, who knows, and be ok with themselves afterward? As God is my witness, I vow never to do that to another person as long as I live. I won’t have intercourse with anyone ever again, because I can’t imagine doing this to anyone else. I know how horrible it felt having it done to me when I was in such a vulnerable state too because I had just left my ex-boyfriend at the time for abusing me physically. He tried killing me by strangulation. He knew all about my story before him, so to one-up him pretty much, and do me even worse than he did, was shocking to me, to say the least. How could he?! I’ll never understand, I’m not supposed to I guess. All I know now is I don’t have as long on this earth with my son as I initially thought, and I want to spend every waking moment I do have left, as healthy and happy as I can be, for his sake and so he doesn’t worry. My son, family, and town already knew about him having HIV, there were rumors around town of him having it and spreading it to women knowingly. Why didn’t anyone tell me? Did they think I’d want to be with someone who’d hide that fact from me, or be with him at all knowing how dangerous it could be for me? It felt awful knowing the whole town knew before he told me himself. I was so embarrassed. But I don’t want your sympathy. All I need is money to get myself to and from the doctors, and prayers. If you can’t spare any money, then please do pray for me! I’d appreciate prayers most of all because, with prayers, miracles happen! The reason I’m telling my story asking for money is because I recently lost my job so we’re living back home with my mom, we’re homeless after I left the guy that did this to me. I would use the money to help fund the rest of my schooling, I’m currently attending Post University online for my Masters in Psychology, also I’d also use it to pay for the gas and possibly fix my car or find something more reliable, for all the trips to and from the treatment center that’s a little more than one hundred miles away from me, round trip because I need to be going to the doctor almost twice a month some months, especially at the beginning due to all the tests to see where I stand with the disease and its progression. I’d use the money to do fun stuff with my son that I normally wouldn’t have the money to do since I don’t know how much time I have left. Him not telling me anything and it taking it’s toll for three years is a long time to wait, especially considering that the doctor said this disease progresses faster in women. Having extra money doesn’t hurt anyone, but I wouldn’t let any of it go to waste and would spend every penny ensuring my son has good memories shared with me, just in case the inevitable happens a little sooner than we all thought. If you can find it in your heart to help out, I’ll leave my cash app on the bottom along with my cell phone number, if that’s allowed. For anyone reading this, I thank you for taking the time to read my story, and may God bless you and all that you do in your adventures and your life’s journey here on earth, stay humble and kind, always treat others how you would want to be treated, and never forget that you’re more than worth it, don’t let anyone tell you different!