Hi, my name is Annaš; Iām a mother of three and was a full time nursing student. In December of 2020, I lost where I was staying, so let my kids start staying with my mother so they were in a stable environment, even though itās killed me. I moved into a 1992 run down Winnebago that didnāt run, the living room window had been busted out, no running water to it, ran all the power off of a drop cord, used hotspot for school on the days we learned virtually, and from right after the refrigerator (that I was told to never open), was unusable due to a leak. I stayed there in that run down Winnebago all winter long with a Mr. Heater portable Buddy propane heater [which I highly recommend if the need ever arises.. the heater, not the Winnebago].
At the end of January, beginning of February of last year, just a few months before graduating, I got sick. Due to the fact that the program was a fast track program, missing one day was literally not an option; but when I got sick, I was admitted to the hospital for two days. Missing those two days forced me to withdrawal from the program.Ā So now I’m $30,000 in debt and no degree.Ā Ever since, itās been one thing after another; they say when it rains, it pours right? Ha-haā¦ salt in the wound. Come April, someone offered to let me stay at their house if needed, so I went to see how I felt being there. I get there and my friend was missing, no one knew where he was. I met his dad, Pop, and told him my situation. I hate asking for things but sometimes you have to put your pride aside if you want help. So now, I stay in his old workshop, garage building in his yard. I will say, itās a lot bigger than the Winnebago, but itās also colder; a lot colder. Propane is expensive, kerosene is more expensive and a pain to deal with. You see, his son and whoever he had around at the time destroyed his workshop. Everything was either sold or stolen, the tore down the walls and ripped out 99.99% of the insulation, why? Just why? The power out here is cut off, so I use a long drop cord from the house. The roof was leaking but I got on the roof and patched it, did a pretty good job with a vinyl optometrist poster if I do say so myself *pats self on back*. Fixed the door because someone had kicked the door in and broke the frame, bug bombed it a few times because there were fleas in here, and bugs that bite love me. Iām a misquote magnet, I guess I must have sweet blood. I canāt keep living like this, itās killing me to not have my kids with me but I would never have them live like this. I want so badly to give them a great life but Iām in a rut and every time I take one step ahead, I get knocked four steps back..
In November, I started working at this phone company in town and I thought it was going to be a great fit since Iām pretty good with technology. Everything was going great until, one day, I received call. It was my Papa, he said him and Nana needed to talk to me. My Nana had been battling stage 4 lung cancer for some time and she was in a research study that was working, but made her very sick all of the time. She was 79 and she was tired. Tired of not being able to spend time with us and enjoy her life like she always had. Papa, heās 86, and when they offered for a nurse to come out and help take care of her, Papa refused. He told them he wanted to take care of her. I wish everyone could meet them, they are the definition of true soulmates. To be in love and still look at each other like theyāre still teenagers after 59 years of marriage, now thatās something. They said their secret was to put God first. Sorry, I got a little off track, I talk about them all of the time to everyone (usually, whoever I would be talking to would end up in tears). The Friday Papa called me and told me they needed to talk to me, I knew. I asked if it was bad and he said āwell, itās not good”. I immediately busted out in tears, that was my Nana. My beautiful Nana. I told my work what was going on and told them I needed to take a few days because I wanted to spend time with her. They told me time off was not an option, to be at work. I told my manager that family is more important, there will be other jobs, but I will never be another Nana. He said for me to give him an answer by a certain date, then emailed me saying ādue to my lack of communicationā¦ā and so on. I didnāt even care then, because I was in a race against clock, I knew there wasnāt much time. went to talk to them the next day and they told me she stopped taking her medicine and she had the best sleep she has had in months. I told her Iām sad because Iām selfish and donāt want her to leave me but Iām just glad sheās feeling better, she deserved to feel good. I had never lost anyone close, still had both sets of grandparents, and they are all so dear to me. The research medicine was working, she was in remission, but tired. They told the doctor she was done, she didnāt want to spend what time she had left unable to live it. So she quit the medicine, well, when she did, she got another kind of cancer, aggressive, black cancer; it spread like wildfire. They were told she had about 6 months left, she didnāt make it two weeks.
The day she went home, thatās what Iāve been calling it, I knew, I told my deddy (yes, its spelled wrong, I spell it how I say it) I didnāt think she was going to make it through the night, and she didnāt. I miss her so much, the softness of her skin, the love she showed. You know when something hurts so bad that you physically hurt, thatās how we all feel. How was I going to tell my kids? I knew my daughter was going to be devastated. That same day, they found her hamster dead and her fish was dead (it had been dead for a few days, just never buried). So, I had to tell her about Nana, and it hurt her so deeply, which hurt me, my baby girl was hurting and there was absolutely nothing I could do to make it better.
Its been almost four months now and I break down a few times a day still. My Papa, a man who has always been 29 and moves around like heās a teenager is now in a wheel chair and canāt stand up longer than 30 seconds without having some type of breathing problem. His doctors cant figure it out but he cant catch his breath. Nana was the book keeper so heās having to learn and do things he doesnāt know how to do. I help him as much as I can but he’s broken, he said āIām just learning how to make decisions by myself; because they always did everything together, as one. They were missionaries, theyāve been to so many places, touched so many hearts with their love for one another, for others, and for God. Iām so very fortunate to have had her so as long as I did, I know many people donāt get so lucky; I have been truly blessed. Iām not crying, youāre crying š.
My apologies for the length, I not very good at explaining things, but Iām a heck of a handywoman. I guess, to get right to the point, Iām trying to get my own place, my family is wealthy, theyāre just barely comfortable. Places around here to rent are so expensive now and I donāt want to raise my kids in a bad neighborhood, or a garage for that matter. I donāt know if youāre willing to help and I donāt want to ask for a certain amount because I donāt want to sound like Iām money hungry, I just need help and donāt know what else to do. Iām at a loss and feel as if Iām forever to be stuck between a rock and a hard place. I know this was long, but I really appreciate your time, even if you donāt help in any other way, if you just took the time out of your day to hear me out, thank you for listening.