My name is Jin Jeong and I hate to be one to ask for a hand out but I feel that there may be no other options available to me. Let me begin by saying that of all the genuine people asking for help that I may be considered as one of the most undeserving. In May of 2000 when I was 18 I committed a terrible crime and went to prison for murder. The details I feel are unimportant because whatever reasoning I have for the choices I made are to me nothing more than excuses. What makes my situation even more undeserving is the fact that it wasn’t until the last few years of my 15 years in prison that I chose to utilize my time. But to be honest I didn’t think that I would be fortunate enough to be here in the US of A. I’ve lived in the US 36 of my 37 years and I do consider the great states to be my home. English not Korean is my first language and despite having pledging my allegiance to this great country since grade school I am still considered anything but an American. It’s no ones fault but my own that I squandered what great opportunities and privileges that were offered to me but what comes to mind is that one never truly knows what they have until it’s gone. I know this better than most and live with regret day in and day out. But even having been through all this and thinking that I was wiser for it I find myself here before the whole cyber world begging for help. When I got released from prison and was given a second chance at life I had the most optimistic attitude and truly had hopes and dreams of righting what wrongs that I could and solidifying my relationship with God and for the first couple of years I had. Was a able to attend trade school and make my parents proud of me. Continue to attend my church and felt like a was becoming a welcomed and valued member. Also had aspirations of becoming a business owner and not only a productive member but a generous and truly valued member of society. Life on the other hand had a way of shattering all those dreams. Even though I had completed my schooling and was eager and willing the work force wasn’t as enthused about an ex-felon, especially one lacking work experience and knowledge of someone 10-15 years my junior, on their payroll. So I was limited to the menial of labors, washing dishes and working for restaurants. I don’t want to sound unappreciative because I am grateful to have been given those opportunities but I am a prideful person and felt that I was qualified and educated for more that what was being offered. I was fortunate enough to get a break and was hired by a Heating company in the neighboring town and was very optimistic once again about my future only to come to the realization that I was only fooling myself. No amount of optimism or well intentions can supplement lack of experience or education. It must have reflected because my boss gave me an opportunity to excel in my career by working under a 20 year veteran of the trade. I felt I finally got my break. I was going to learn and gain the experience I need and so desperately wanted but what I didn’t realize was the joke was on me. The 20 year vet was not quite the upstanding individual that I would have like to be guiding me along this new career path which had very little room for error. Well things didn’t go as I had hoped and let’s just say that the vet is no longer with the company and I’m fortunate enough to still be collecting a paycheck. I now feel as though my boss and the company doesn’t want me employed there anymore but can’t fire me without repercussions so instead they allotted to move me to a position in which I’m left cleaning the ducting of peoples homes. To me this is the lowest position that the company has to offer and it’s also my feeling that I was moved into this position with the hopes that I would one day decide to quit. And I would have had on December 15, 2018, 10 days before Christmas my father past away. No insurance no nothing. Let me also mention that I hold so much guilt for my fathers passing that at times I feel as though it may be to much to handle. I can’t even get myself to share as to why I feel so much guilt over his death. So here I am expenses and bills piling up, work that I dread going to day in and day out that doesn’t even afford me enough income to take care before mentioned bills and expenses, oh and don’t let me forget my mother who dealing with her grief has chosen to cling to me with a neediness that is almost suffocating but because of my love and concern for her I’ve chosen to forgo any self-well-being of my own. I feel my life is at the brink of spiraling out of control already and asking for help in this manor is one of the last things that I ever wanted to do but please if anyone has the means and the compassion to ease some of my burden. Please help me, not for my sake but those that I care about. If I didn’t feel that I was responsible for others and only had to concern myself with myself then the choices would have been much easier for me, but the truth of the matter is that I have loved one that are I feel dependent on me. So if anyone has any sympathy for me and the situation that I have found myself in your generosity would make the world of difference.
p.s. I guess I’m supposed to post my PayPal info at the bottom. Well with all my hopes and prayers.