I used to be an independent, strong woman, who dedicated herself to being a good mom and a successful woman in corporate America. Between the endless meetings at work or various issues needing my immediate attention and the soccer practices, teacher conferences and unexpected cake baking sessions at 10 at night because it was due tomorrow, I had zero time to just sit. There wasn’t time for laziness.
Especially after I divorced a man I had spent 11 years with, the father of my child…my best friend, Justin. Right before Justin and I put our differences aside becoming best friends again, I was in a severe accident almost killing me and leaving me with a traumatic brain injury, subsequently putting me on social security disability. I was Still healing a few short years later when me and my daughters lives were flipped upside down.
Justin had a stroke, leaving him brain dead. I was forced with the decision to take him off life support or keep him in a vegetative state for the rest of his life. I felt like a part of me died when he took his last breath.
The depression that followed in combination with the brain injury stripped me of the strength I normally would have had to keep all the bills current. I fell 3 months behind on mortgage and before the bank could take it, I did a quick cash sale that provided enough to almost entirely pay for the home I’m in now.
In 4 months, my daughter lost her father, her home and all her friends she had grown up with…and her mother, well I was on the cusp of letting go.
I’ve struggled to provide some sort of normalcy for my daughter. More times than not, when she needs or wants something I had to say no because of lack of funds. The times I didn’t say no was because I took out a personal loan or opened another credit card. I’m now maxed out across the board and my car is on it last leg.
I was raised with the belief I need to take care of myself so I hate asking for help. And if my mother wasn’t dead and a father who wasn’t incarcerated, I’d ask them. But their gone so here I am.
I owe $35000 on my home and about $15,000 in loans and credit cards. I’m humbly asking for $50-65,000 to pay off the home and debt, while leaving some money to replace my car.
Because I’m exhausted and needing a break from the trauma, the strong fiery woman I used to be has been lying dormant for several years. I’ve been drowning for the last 9 years and I really need someone to throw me a life preserver. I just need to know the light at the end of the tunnel isn’t another freight train about to hit me. I understand I’m asking for a lot, but anything will help.
Thank you for giving me your time to read this short novel and regardless of who you are, thank you for your willingness to lend someone a hand, even if it’s not mine. Best wishes.
Jessica Tolson
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