Hello. My name is Marina, I am 28 years old and have been through a series of awful experiences in the past 6 years. I am from Romania and have moved to the UK in 2016 to be with a man I had thought was going to make my life better. Instead, I managed to find myself in a very toxic and emotionally abusive relationship. I moved here and he did not help me find a job, but he provided a place to live, although it was not exactly the best place. We lived in a studio for 2 years and I was working 60 hours a week because he was extremely manipulative and made me think money was the most important thing. He told me I will not achieve anything if I didn’t let him control the financial aspects of our relationship. He had convinced me that this was the right way, and I sent him all of my earnings every month for two years. Then when I tried to stand up for myself and tried to argue keeping my own money and trying to save on my own, he said I would never be able to do it and that he was spending more on me than I thought. Then he started working two jobs and was never at home including for my birthday/Christmas or any holidays. I could tell that I was losing him and I was very scared as I have no family here and I had no friends whatsoever as he told me I should not get close with anyone in here because they will all use you for their own needs. I was extremely vulnerable and easy to manipulate and he took advantage of that. Then he stopped buying food as he was working in a restaurant and he was eating there, so I had to support all costs of the food for myself. I was working in a supermarket and had started stealing food just to make ends meet. He noticed this and started taking advantage of it, manipulated me into stealing more things, like wine and around the house necessities. Because of this, he started being more affectionate towards me as he saw an opportunity to save money, but I was blind and desperate at the time and I didn’t realise he was using me. After awhile he became distant again and one day he told me he was going to give notice to our landlord that we were going to move out in 2 months. I still had no friends and no one to go to, he told me he had enough money to buy a flat but that he did not want me involved. All of this after years of saving whilst I was stealing food and taking my money. Then he told me he had met someone else and that I was not to contact him again or bother him. I had to get loans and credit cards, the area I live in is as expensive as London, and I do not drive, so I had to find a place for myself and support all the costs at short notice. Then I got myself in debt.
The following year I thought this was a blessing and getting away from him was a good thing. However, I was using credit cards to be able to pay rent/bills/food and so on. I kept getting more credit cards and requesting increasing the limits and getting loans just to make ends meet. I was stupid and only thought in the moment. 6 years later now I found myself in a ridiculous amount of debt and had to get an IVA because the charges were too high and I could not afford to pay for food and transport to and from work monthly. Nevermind the effect it had on my mental health.
I am now 17000 pounds in debt and asking anyone out there who can help me please. I just want to start over. I want to be cleared of debt and just work hard and live a normal life. This is affecting my life a lot as I cannot get involved with anyone at this age without telling them about it and it’s very embarrassing and off putting. If anyone out there is listening, I can send proof of the IVA contract. I just don’t know what else to do. I am working hard but it’s just never enough, once I’ve paid off my rent/bills and the IVA every month I am left with nothing and this is a 5 year contract. I am worried I will finish this when I am 33 and will realise I have just spent the end of my 20s paying off debts and worrying about money. My parents are very poor and they cannot help me, I feel terrible about not being able to help them, but they are not even aware of my situation because I do not want to worry them. So I think they just believe I am a bad person and that I have moved to another country and refuse to help them.
If anyone can help me it will be so much appreciated, there are no words !
Thank you for taking the time to read a short version of my story !