I am fifty-two and I, honestly, am tired. I hurt every day and my soul is tired.
I have never shunned my responsibilities. The short story is: I raised my two daughters, helped raise my ex-partner’s son, and have been helping raise my only granddaughter (she just turned 6). I spent my adult life, after graduating high school and giving birth to my oldest daughter in 1989, raising first my oldest daughter and then both of my daughters after 1997. I have worked up to three jobs at a time and lived in my truck while my girls lived with the babysitter. I ended up in an 18-year-long relationship with a narcissist; I finally got out six years ago. Both of my daughters are grown with the youngest being twenty-six now. I met a great man and spent five years “dating” him; we have been married nearly a year now and I’ve never been happier.
I have spent the last 34 years struggling to make ends meet and take care of my girls the best that I could. There has not been a time where money was not an issue; no matter how hard I tried there were always bills that went unpaid and debts that are still being paid off. Until now I have always been the one who had to work for one reason or another; the partner I was with either refused to help pay bills, got arrested for being a pedophile, or simply decided he wanted to run a “business” rather than work outside the home. I have worked more hours than I slept because of this.
At the age of 38 I was diagnosed with degenerative disc disease and told that I had the spine of an 80-year-old. AT 38-YEARS-OLD. Since then, I have had a discectomy with fusion in my neck, two neuromas removed from my right foot, and a total hip replacement on my right hip (I was 45). I have adult-onset, double major scoliosis, a permanently damaged IT band on my right thigh, tendonitis in my right palm, thumb, and wrist, and of course arthritis in my knuckles and knees. I started having vertigo about four years ago and still have bouts of it to this day. I also had cataract surgery two years ago on both eyes. I hurt all day, every day. I still work full-time as I cannot afford NOT to. My husband and I both work full-time and we both pay the bills. Truth be told, he does not like me having to work.
Now, let me clear something up: I am not a “high maintenance” woman. I do not wear make-up, I do not do my hair, I hate shopping (for ANYTHING). I have never fallen into the anti-aging trap that so many women do. I am a “Tom Boy” and have been since junior high school.
I am asking for an angel, or multiple angels, to help me pay my debts. I do not want to be rich, but I would like to be able to pay the bills, buy the groceries, and know that we can squirrel away some money for the future. I would like to finish writing my life story, take my pictures and make a few bucks from it.
For me to pay off my student loan and car it would take about $21,000. $25,000 would include paying off the a/c unit I had to get only 6 months after I signed the papers on my home. A new roof on my 1985 home would cost about $7,000. My mortgage is about $145,000. $177,000 would pay off all of it.
Again, I do not desire to be rich; I am already rich with the love of my girls, my granddaughter, and being married to my soulmate. I am simply tired of being debt-ridden and, no matter how hard I try, continue to be debt-ridden. Please, I’m looking for a hand up not a handout.