Hello to all who read this and thank you to all who help.
I’ve never written all this down before and apologise if it’s a hard read, I have aspergers(ASD) and a lot of emotion involved. I’ll write from my perspective and apologies again if I keep jumping back and fore in time.
I don’t know where to start really but here goes. I always knew I was a little different but didnt realise until 2017 that I have Aspergers(ASD). I’ve always been inquisitive, called naughty back then. I picked the lock on my parents medicine cabinet when I was 6 or 7 and ate a bottle of pills. I can remember the coating tasted nice for a little bit. That night hallucinated quite badly involving spiders. I was unwell for a few day afterwards and remember bringing up pills the morning after while vomiting. My parents were swingers and remember having access to porn videos from as long as I can remember. I was abused by my next door neighbour between the ages of 8 and 12, repeatedly abused sexually, threatened with knives and beaten. Had a dog set upon me and he also abused other younger boys in my street. That’s stopped when I was twelve due to me injuring my knees which resulted me being in a cast crutches for 6 months. Until I was 15 I was very depressed and angry and tried committing suicide a few times. I think my aspergers kept me alive when I took a load of pills and 2 bottles of vodka when I was about 14. I was 18 stone and 5’10” by the time I was 13/14 and at 15 broke the tree that jumped out of with a rope around my neck. Started trying illegal drugs at 15 and found an escape. Hit drink and drugs hard until I met my ex wife at 19. Stopped most of the drugs but had to keep marijuana. Got married at 20 to a wonderful woman, had 2 lovely children. We were married for 18 years and had quite few miscarriages as well as an ectopic and molar pregnancy. We divorced 5 years ago and been living on my own with my two dogs. I had a breakdown at 25ish and was diagnosed with paranoid psychosis, anxiety and depression along with bouts of manic depression. Probably diagnosed today as BPD. I’m 43 now, I’m working but finding it hard to cope with all the bills along with all my other issues I have to cope with.
My mother left my father me when I was 13 and told me that I was an attempt to rekindle the flame for their relationship but didn’t work. Father was always in work and didn’t tell them about my abuse until I was about 17.
Sent my abuser to prison for 17 years in 2017 which was a good thing but affected me more than I imagined and for the last two years life has been a struggle coping with memories and finding out things I had forgotten with all the emotions involved. Some help with bills and to allow me to be able to live a more normal life.
I’ve had a mad life and never expected to live this long. I know I should proud of still being here let alone how I’ve coped but the stress of paying bills and worry about not being able to give my kids nice things or doing things. Thank you so much if you help, it means a lot to me. paypal.me/mypaypal1978