I suppose this would be the only place I could be completely free to be honest about my story. It’s interesting that humans are far more open with strangers than those that are closest to them. It’s a liberating process, albeit still has a sense of shame attached. I love freedom, nearly to a fault, and this has made me quite unconventional in the way I choose to live my lifestyle. This has naturally incurred negative financial consequences.
It’s strange, I woke up remembering a dream wherein I told an entire crowd of people about my story. And here I am. I found this website this morning. I suppose I’m curious to follow through, even if it is to see what happens, for I’m on the cusp of doubling down on my privacy as a philosophy. Before that occurs, I suppose this is my way of expressing myself in the required quota of words.
“I was deemed gifted” by the Toronto District School Board in elementary school. I decided not to attend gifted school, and stayed within the public system. During high school, I was considered to be their top student, winning both academic and athletic awards throughout my high school career.
As an intellectual, I excelled at the University of Toronto for both my bachelors and my Masters. I was extremely popular, even being cited as a protege by the municipal government in order to increase women’s participation in government. I don’t see myself as a genius, but at the risk of sounding arrogant, people have referred to me as a mastermind on many occasions.
What I can’t seem to figure out is, even if I’m a so called ruler of the world (as my horoscope predicts), why I’m an utter failure when it comes to personal finance. I’m no stranger to luxury, but it has never been my own money. Please do not misunderstand me, for I had worked a great deal, even as a senior financial analyst at a brewing company here in Canada. It was in some sways my dream job. Nevertheless, the price of freedom was too high, and my love for freedom reigned.
Even now, I’m living at a luxurious resort, but I’m starving and malnourished. I recall rationing a soup mix from The Dollar Tree and sleeping more to starve my own starvation. It doesn’t help when I’m surrounded by luxury goods and luxury restaurants here.
The neighbours know nothing, the employees at the resort consider me an enigma. In fact, it was a particular employee at the coffee shop here at the resort that was brilliant enough to figure me out (at least a little bit). He was bold enough to ask what I do for a living. My response was honest, “ I don’t work”. Has anyone ever said such a statement with such confidence? I thought to myself at the time.
My confidence was soon fleeting, for my fiancé gave way that I do in fact work, doing coffee reviews. Of course this is a cover, a mask as well. Anyone with a brain understands that this is passive income at best. In my attempts to be authentic, my fiancé was well intentioned in his attempts to place my social mask upon my face again.
The desire to be free still seduces me, and I’m bewitched by it. This is perhaps my way of coping with existentialism. My manner of coping with all that desires to control me, is to be so free, and so self contained, that I’m not attainable to the forces of enslavement. I humbly ask for your help in this regard.