My name is Van and despite I always have been a person with a closed personality, I decided to open up my mind and tell the world about this story and I seek help from persons who can actually afford providing help. As myself being a person who love to help other persons without hesitating and not taking into account whats left for myself I recommend everyone first to take into account what is left for them after providing help to others. The reason I recommend this is because I found myself into troublesome situation after helping my father as I have been reunited with him after being seperated for 16 years. But before this happened, there was more that happened.
Before I was born:
My parents fled from Vietnam due to the effects which the Vietnam war brought to them.
About my mom:
It was just a regular day when my mom was walking with my half-sister in her arms when persons from the neighborhood pulled her onto a boat. It was no abduction, but of being afraid my mother saw them and not letting her be able alarming the neighborhood since they all tried to fled Vietnam that day with a small boat.
So my mother was sort of abducted in her opinion because my half-brother and other half-sister was still home in Vietnam at my grandmothers place having no idea about their mom and sister transformed into boat refugees in one single moment.
Mom told me sometimes it was a miracle they survived the boat flight, she did not care about where they would have ended, as long she could see again her son and daughter(my half brother and sister) who were still in Vietnam, Phu Quoc Island.
About my (grand)father:
My grandfather was a Vietnamese soldier who fought together with Americans against the North Vietnamese Army. He got shot in the back and died in front of my fathers eyes. My father survived that day and my grandmother borrowed money from the neighborhood letting my father fled Vietnam in order to live a better life, that was what she thought back then.
Then I was born in 1988:
My parents met each other in The Netherlands. My dad helped her with letting my half-brother and sister coming over to The Netherlands. Shortly after I was born and I heard we were a happy family back then, till family on the other side of the world expected help from my parents. They did everything they could helping our family in Vietnam could create a living for themself. In the end they got backstabbed by their own family and in 1999 my parents even divorced each other. My father ended to be lonely and we as half-siblings were living with my mom. I missed my dad, as my half-siblings could not know how much since he was not their real father. My father told me it would be better for me not seeing him anymore and forced me to live with my mom, so I did.
My real life got started:
I never forgot him, and asked myself many times how he would be doing then. This sadness made me quit studying when I was at age of 17, and I started to work in hospitality for 3 euro per hour, 50-60 hours a week. I met my love when I was at age of 19 in 2008 and she was the reason I started studying again in 2013. I graduated in business economics in 2015 and in 2017 when I was age of 29 I would marry her. Therefore I wanted to be reunited with my father and invite him for our marriage. But my mom did not let me, it was him or her she gave me the choice. I finally found my way to his home and when he opened the door, I saw a man being happy for seeing me again but sad at the same time.
Reunited with my father after 18 years:
What happened after he divorced my mom and lost the family, he got depressed and also had to carry for my grandmother in Vietnam who was ill. He felt in love with a woman in Vietnam and helped her to come over to the Netherlands having a life with him but in the end when she got permanent residence permit she literally left him for another man in 2015 leaving behind a debt of over more then EU 70.000,00. My father found out she was lying about many costs when my grandmother was ill and she borrowed money and used it for her own life. I was sick of hearing this story and asked how my grandmother was doing, my father said she passed away in 2016. Beside me, he has nobody else. So I decided to help him in every way I can so he can live a life as my grandmother wished he would live, without worries.
This put me and my wife into a debt of EU 50.000,00. The worries has been moved to us. Since november 2018 our daughter was born. I got into a burn-out a week before our daughter got born and still am. I try to suppress all negative feelings when I am near to her but always try as best I can caring for her. We are falling behind with payments and soon we will drown.
The fact is we don´t want to be helped by persons who can´t afford helping us, because we know how it is to get into trouble as we are helping others. We are asking for help to get rid of the worries and debt which was actually created by a person with bad and selfish intentions.
I always help people around me who are in trouble, not just my family but also young persons who experience a life with divorced parents. When I am back on my feets, I want to launch a fund for young kids who lives a life with their parents divorced.
I appreciate your time, I took this chance to clear my mind and hopefully our family won´t drown by helping others. Please if you are able to, we would appreciate any help, but please… don´t get into trouble by helping others, don´t move the problems, but get rid of them, not for ourselves, but for the next generations…