More than anything at this time I just need to be able to manage. I am overwhelmed by not knowing how to navigate my situation. I am more than an adult and in most ways I act as one. I have a degree, work full time as a registered nurse. I am raising my child with some help from her dad. I believe I have buried myself believing someday I would manage. I have no credit cards because I defaulted on so many payments. I also did not go to court over money owed from a long time ago. I am now terrified and have no way to figure out what to do. I cannot afford a lawyer and really do not know what they could do for me. I make reasonable money as a nurse but seem unable to manage it all. I spend on my child so she is able to grow without feeling as if she has no opportunity. She is my world. I am not without any means, but feel overwhelmed by my attempt to get a head. I owe so much in student loans and am now garnished because I defaulted. They take 20% of my check and with everything else I do not know how to continue and get ahead (meaning having just a bit of savings in case my car breaks down, or something else). I have so many unpaid bills and I do not know where to start. I can work a bit more but am the main care taker, emotional supporter of my girl. I just cannot seem to do more than full time and also be there for her in the way she needs me to.
I grew up in a well to do family. I was given the gift of boarding schools and living overseas. I was given opportunity that maybe many would have thrived from. I do believe it allowed growth but never gave me the means to manage my everyday life. I found myself unable to manage when I was alone at 17 when my mom died during my father’s contract with a company in Saudi Arabia. I think being on my own for my adolescent years was not good for me in the way I never learned how to manage basic things in life. I always thought the future would bring some ability for me to figure it all out and get ahead. I got married and went to school, got my nursing degree. My then husband had an affair and left me with the house in foreclosure. Sad story we have all heard before. Moved and met my daughter’s dad and after 7 months found myself pregnant. Tried to make us work, but it did not. He had little interest in our family as his love was his work. I so wanted it to come together but it did not work. He never saw what I did and seemed to expect me to bring income in the same way he did as well as maintaining our household and saw my attempts to make my daughter’s childhood fun and magical as frivolous (birthday parties, going to museums and such….) . I could never talk about money in any way other than how it seemed to be all work and nothing extra. Perhaps in many ways he was right, however that being said I hid the expenses that I accrued from giving my kid what I believed she deserved (nothing extravagant, just basic things).
So, I never had anybody left to ask for help. I have just made myself believe I would figure it out somehow and some way. I keep looking to find some debt counseling but it seems to be mostly people who will not help me and will cost me more. I just want to feel as if I am at baseline. To not worry that I will prosecuted for my debt. I only want peace and any way out of this. I want a humble life without my worry and fear. I want to be okay again for my kid (and myself) Any real advice on how I can get there would be so appreciated. I just am not able to do this the way I am, alone.