Hello, don’t know where and how to start but here goes. My names Tony, I’m 50 years old now, half a century, with absolutely nothing to sure for it. My troubles started many decades ago and I dont think the space given will suffice but primarily my existence literally/metaphorically ended on the morning of Tuesday August 23rd when I lost my partner for more than 30 yrs to Lung/Heart complications, namely COPD and secondary heart failure. For more than a month she was in ICU and I naturally visited her every day. Sorry, forgot to mention that I hale from Greater West London. Whilst the worst catastrophe in our lives was unravelling before me I had been holding down a job through a temping agency. This was our only source of income, was doing 4 nights in a food factory a week. The twisted irony is that the only time in our lives I started to get a regular income, my other half was in hospital. This all stopped as my partner became sick and the£200 or so I saved depleted. “Grief is the price you pay for love”, I read somewhere is so true. I recall that morning vividly as the Doc was discussing end of life, then put the oxygen and machines off and left me alone with Lynz. I think of it constantly.
We’ve only had each other in our lives, no support from family (both of us estranged from them), nomadic homeless for the last 4 years, just living in the smallest room and surviving on Govt benefits (for which we were grateful). Before Xmas 21, I started to work and therefore stopped the benefits but stopped when Lynz got sick begging July 22.
The other thing which rips my sole to pieces is the fact that the funeral of Lynz had to be from public funds (paupers funeral) but the Bereavement services at the hospital didnt do there jobs properly and the person I had spoken to, kept fobbing me off ( theres delays, many people wating for funerals, you should get a call within few days or next week). These were the responses I got when I did manage to get through to him after at least 20/25 calls I made. My partner had been left in the morgue for a month or more. So what happened ultimately, without any knowledge or me being informed was that my partner was cremated. For some reason I cannot pick up the phone to verify this and they just presume I’ve forgotten about it. It breaks my heart to pieces which I cannot bring to describe.
As I mentioned earlier, on that dreadful morning, I wish I had died too, am such a coward. After the loss, I managed to stay in my fathers house but I just stay in my room, surrounded by Lynz’s sketches, her clothes, every single thing of hers, even still the plastic carrier bag in which her possessions were kept in from the hospital. I know for a fact I’m suffering from chronic depression, my OCD is mentally/physically exhausting, I havnt changed clothes or showered for a long time, basically lost the plot.
I have to make an appt with my GP and get some semblance of life back in order, financially destitute, 20p in bank. We were always kind of poor but happy with what little we had. I’m in a state but I have to get my life in some order, have no one to ask for financial help (would never dream of asking my father for a penny, cold heartless person).
I know there are good and beautiful people in this world, my partner was and still is for sure and i would beseech these good soles for ANY help, which would be extremely appreciated. Theres so much more to say, espeacially about my current plight, the straits I’m waddling through whist being completely destitute but more about the gentle, beautiful sole, Lynz, her dreams and aspirations, the beauty of them.
Thank you immensely for taking time to read this, as I said theres so much more to say and express, making a Greek tragedy seem a comical farce, I’ll just end up probably ruining your day. Sorry about not sending an image because I’m not presently a pleasant sight to look upon. I hope I’ve done this properly tonyuppal6@gmail.com
paypal.me/tony478604