My name is Mark, I am 45 years old, I am married and have 2 daughters aged 10 and soon to be 13.
Before I tell you of my personal circumstances, I truly reach out to those whom are going through tough times, no matter how big or little your problems may seem to others, it is important to you and that is what matters.
In recent years, I have suffered from mental illness, being diagnosed with clinical depression back in 2007 and recently being diagnosed with Bipolar in 2019. Over the last 3 years things turned for the worse, as in 2017 I was first admitted to a psychiatric ward in Reading called Prospect Park in a ward called Snowdrop, following a major house renovation and being made redundant from my IT job at HP for almost 20 years I had a nervous breakdown.
Although it was a traumatic experience I got to meet some people who had different mental illnesses and in a way I felt some comfort that I was not alone and there were people whom could understand more than most people how devastating it is and something we battle with most days. When I got discharged the first time, it took a few months before I was able to work and my wife had to support me the best she could. My daughters were 7 and 10 at the time and although they were so loving at the time I know it left a scar, which is heart breaking as a father.
Unknowingly a few months into the new job as a postman I went through a mania episode, which resulted in me causing emotional harm to my family, losing my closest friends and losing my job due to gross misconduct. At the time I like so invincible and self-righteous that I disregarded anyone’s opinions. I felt like I had an invinity with the moon and felt I was on a higher religious level. I felt so high, my brother’s friends though I was on cocaine.
Not having any contact with my friends, family and not having a job, it all came crashing down and I started to hit rock bottom. I hardly left my room and just did not want to wake up anymore. I had an emergency appointment at with a psychiatrist at the end of December and due to my mental state I was readmitted to Prospect Park.
I refused to let anyone come to see me as I felt is was all my fault and I didn’t want my family to suffer or be subjected to it, especially my 2 daughters. After 2 weeks I did get visits from my wife, daughters, sister and nephew, though I felt so down.
Eventually I was discharged and appointed with a new psychiatrist. After a long review he diagnosed me with Bipolar last year and I have been prescribed lamotrigine and quetiapine ever since. My family were given the opportunity to attend a careers meeting to understand how to a support a loved with mental illness.
Although I was more stable at first, with the recent events I have spiraled back in a dark place and I am very scared. This has caused a huge financial strain and we are continually borrow more and more money. I hide as much as I can from my wife as I don’t want her to worry.
As with some others I did not know this site existed, but due to desperation it lead me to this site.
I hope this does not come across as me needing pity, but I wanted to be honest with my circumstances. I just want some help and support to get me through these dark days, so I can at least ensure my family is financial supported, whilst I can get back to working and continue to fight my battle.
The pandemic has affected so many people and I dread to see what impact it has as it develops. All I can do is try and fight for my family. My current debt is reaching £3,000 so any donation you can provide will make a difference and get me back on track.