I am not sure if I can compose adequately enough to receive any type of response. I’m so overwhelmed for the first time in my life I feel helpless and incapacitated. At the beginning of 2020 I was only focused on the future and it was optimistic and hopeful. Unfortunately that didn’t last long once the pandemic hit and I was suddenly out of a job. The effect on my lil family was a harsh reality that we were definitely not prepared for especially at this length. Rent quickly becoming an expense that was no longer feasible we had to make heartbreaking decisions. Our only light in the tunnel was my fiance was considered an essential employee so we still had some room to work with. We decided to send our daughter to stay with her grandparents. It was not a decision made lightly but it was in her best interest to be safe and have a sense of stability and routine. Our price was the distance and the emotional toll that had changed our family dynamic. My fiance traveled a little with work so his company offered a per diem to compensate the cost we decided to make the best of it and keeping only the essentials we began living out of motel rooms. The adjustment took time but we eventually settled in to our new lifestyle. For awhile it felt like everything would be ok in the end if we could tough it out. Once again we were blindsided, with no notice my fiance was laid off and we didn’t have long to find a solution. Still unable to get back to work I filled for unemployment which I’m still waiting on, through odd jobs my fiance was able to get we spent about another two months in motels while he began his unemployment claims and we tried to find a way to get back on our feet. Much easier said than done. We lived in our truck for two weeks. Luckily a dear friend of mine offered us a place to stay. She having her own struggles like most everyone did have a house that had plenty of room. And we decided to benefit everyone we would all work together to make it through this. Everything seemed to be looking up, my fiance had spent alot of time and effort into another job and the possibility of getting a new one with a relocation assistance in tow was just a matter of the details. I felt like I could breath again and a little weight had been lifted. I had no idea the nightmare that was ahead of me. 3 1/2 weeks ago it was a quiet day. Not much to do that day I danced with my fiance in the kitchen while I made breakfast, toiled around the house on nothing of any importance and even spent some time talking about our future wedding. I looked at flowers and dresses while he asked a friend to be his best man. We weren’t back above board but for the first time in a while I felt like I could see that light at the end. Then I was destroyed…. just hours later after my fiance said he was going for a walk I ventured to the basement looking for (I can’t even remember) I found my fiance passed away….he had committed suicide. My entire world and myself had came crashing down. Along with the man I love beyond any description my entire future is unimaginable. When every plan, hope, and excitement of the future was wrapped around “us” I haven’t been able to look past the present to what a future would be without him. Now I find myself with no job, still no unemployment, no future past this exact moment and no one to reach out to. My entire family other than my daughter have passed years ago. The three of us were our family. We only had each other and with my daughter still residing with grandma I feel truly alone and invisible. I have bills to pay that I can’t a truck that I can’t drive (it broke down) and no place to call home. I don’t know what or how to move forward I feel like giving up. At this point anything would help.