I have a problem of not being able to say no to my family, and that has got me into some financial difficulties…
I’ve been brought up with the understanding that family is incredibly important.
6 years ago both my parents had lost their jobs, I was still living at home and I only had a part time job, at the time I picked up any overtime I could, sometimes starting at 8am and not finishing til 10pm. Which enabled us to be able to pay the bills. After showing hard work and willing I was moved into full time hours which was great! A year or so later, my parents were sleeping in separate beds, and had ended their relationship. Shortly after our landlord decided to sell the house, and I was the only one with a job and decent credit score, so I took out loans to help with deposits and moved in with my mum.
I was in a fair bit of debt, trying to support my family, falling deeper into debt and struggling.
Then I met the absolute love of my life. We got engaged almost two years ago. I had never thought to think about my future when supporting my family, but now I’d love to be married and start a family, he’s in his late 30s and I’m in my late 20s, so time is ticking. With the level of debt I have at the moment, it would take me at least 5 years to pay it off. I’m paying out over £700 a month purely to debt. And the rest of my wage covers normal bills.
My two sisters have since disowned my dad as he had a temper growing up, and as much as life would be easier if I did the same, however he has been suicidal and is in great financial difficulty since splitting from my mum, so I can’t bring myself to cut him off, no matter how abuser he can be, as if something happened, I could never forgive myself. he asked for money often, just to buy food, and I’m all he has so I feel like I can’t say no.
I was finally making some head way with my debt last year, however my mum was diagnosed with breast cancer and had to undergo surgery, a mastectomy, and took 4 to 5 months off work, I used my holidays from work to look after her, and worked overtime to help support her whilst she was in sick pay.
But it wasn’t enough and I took on more debt to help see her through. (She doesn’t know this as I don’t want to stress her).
My older sister visited once for a day to help, and my younger sister helped in her half term from uni.
It’s been incredibly hard, but I’m so lucky to still have both parents and won’t take it for granted. I would just love to be able to put some focus on my future, but it seems impossible and I can’t see a way out.
Any help would be incredible.