I’ve been contemplating on whether I should make this post or not, but at this point I am honestly hopeless and see no way of moving forward in life without any help. I am 19 years old, I live in England and I’m currently in a hole I cannot get myself out of.
My parents moved back to our home country when I was 16 because of the poverty we were facing here, but I decided I have to stay and try to build a future on my own since this is where I’ve spent most of my life. I was moving around a lot at first, I stayed with some of my friends and friends of relatives, and could receive no financial support from my family because they were struggling just as much. I tried to get a job for months, however due to my age and lack of experience I was receiving no calls back, so I got involved in activities I won’t discuss here just to survive because I could see no other way.
As my neighbourhood became more violent, and after I lost two friends to murder, I decided I needed to try harder to get a job because I wanted to actually build a life, and start a family one day. I had no qualifications because I always struggled in school, but I was motivated and after I turned 17 I got my first job working the night shift in a warehouse. I worked hard, doing at least 60 hours every single week, and after around 6 months I was promoted to team leader.
However, from age 17-19 I’ve made some very poor financial choices. My job was very far away from home, it took me almost three hours to reach it using public transport, and I decided I needed reliable transportation, so I bought a cheap moped and that was the start of how everything fell apart. My moped eventually broke down after a crash, and since I had to get to work I needed to make a decision fast, and when I decided to buy another bike I was offered a personal loan at the dealership with 50% interest which I instantly took because I didn’t understand the consequences. After a few months, this bike was stolen, and my insurance didn’t cover theft, so to this day I’m still paying for that bike. But I didn’t learn, because when it was stolen I refinanced my loan and bought another bike the next day, which got me even deeper into debt.
As time went on, I lost control of all my finances. I tried to go to university on my own money to study Planetary Science w/ Astronomy because I wasn’t given a student loan, but I quickly learnt I couldn’t afford to pay £600 every month and it got me taking out credit with my bank which I still haven’t paid. Weeks passed, then months, and I got myself deeper and deeper into debt, to the point I had to move to a different city into student accommodation because I couldn’t afford my rent or any of my bills.
I don’t study, I work full time night shifts at a different factory for 60-70 hours per week, and I’ve given up all the dreams I was chasing because my debt is eating me up from the inside and I feel trapped. My girlfriend is across the ocean struggling to pay her rent, bills and everything she needs for her 2 year old son, and she had to get involved in sex work because she just couldn’t manage it all by herself, and she lives in a country where finding a job to support yourself is a lot more difficult, and I’ve rarely been able to send her any money. This is ripping both of us apart emotionally and mentally, I haven’t seen her or our son since August because I simply can’t afford it, and I can’t afford any of the visas and flights to bring them here so we can start a life together and work on these things as a family.
That’s why I’m asking for help. I need someone to forgive my mistakes, greed and materialism, I hope they understand I have learnt my lesson, and that the only thing I will be doing with this money is paying off my debts and buying the visas required for my girlfriend and our son to have the right to live with me. Right now I’m stuck, I owe everybody I know money and everytime my paycheck comes I’m left with nothing, I eat a couple times a week at most because I have no time or money, and I’ve had to commute 10 miles every day by walking. I’m behind on all my bills except my rent, I have no savings or possessions, and I see no way of my situation improving at any point in the future. I feel lost.
I pray someone in a better position than me sees this, and is willing to give me another chance to do things right, and build a life for my family. I am so tired of pain, struggle and suffering, I’ve been left permanently scarred but I’m still standing, so I want to make a change.
I’ve attached a list of all my debts and family expenses. Any help is appreciated. The total I am in need of is £11,889, which is a figure that I won’t be able to save even in decades.