Whoever reads this hello and thank you for your time.
So the question you probably ask yourself is how the heck have I managed to get myself in such a financial mess.
The story is very long and the truth is actually connected to my past, who I am and my social challenges and struggles.
This debt is almost completely consisting of paying for boosts on tinder and for a mobile war game I played and sold my soul to as a mean to escape.
Back at the time when I served at the Israeli army I used to be someone with a lot of questions regarding myself and what do others (girls) see when looking at me, I have always been pretty much a loner up to the point at that time and as a soldier suddenly being exposed to both genders I have started feeling “interested” while also feel extremely lonely. So as I proceeded with my “dating” research personal experience (I wouldn’t get into details since it would turn into a book) I have known nothing but rejections left and right I was trying to google about it whenever I managed to visit home on the weekends and I learned to not let the sting of rejection affect me I attempted to reflect, however, subconsciously as rejections were the only thing I have experienced and for years ever much later after my military service release, I have become extremely insecure without even realizing so (accepting the rejection as is) yet downstream realizing I am not gonna get anything else.
so at about 23 I felt “extremely” lucky to have been in contact with a girl I met from an online game called World of Warcraft where eventually me and her were getting familiar and closer and I had the perceived “pleasure” to be of a romantic interest to her. A year later and she moved over with me in Israel but then an additional year later and she returned. At first she was the best thing ever happening to me but later on as our relationship progressed she simply treated me as a trivial element in her life, I had to beg her not to break up with me for days many times and she was getting mad and wishing to leave for reasons as small as me taking longer to return from work. Eventually no words I could say could convince her and she left (and nowadays I already know it should have better been this way).
So being single again I felt completely lost at that time devastated, having known I was experiencing nothing but rejecting I followed her back to Norway (and of course to no avail) I felt hopeless, I stayed there for 2 months trying to find someone else feeling that back in my country I have no hope knowing I have been nothing but rejected countless of times).
Then came tinder and this app DID actually help me pin pointing social mistakes I have made, physical features I could improve and I did and eventually did help me realize a lot about the mistakes I have made in the past.
HOWEVER and that’s the kicker, it has been a process of years, and back (since 2016) tinder has implemented a feature which would render matching impossible without having to pay for it.
That feature is called TINDER BOOST, a feature in which one has to pay about 6$ for being put in first line to be shown to the opposite gender allowing them to even acknowledge your experience.
I won’t get too much into details but in order to be matching with enough girls (many matches were not of a quality as girls weren’t always responsive or halfway eager) I had to spend quite the amount monthly.
The story is very very long and there is a lot of details which I could add.
but in short I am 35 having lost fortunes for dating apps using the boost feature along with playing a mobile game in which you pay to become stronger (helping me to cope with the devastating ongoing everlasting rejections I have experienced all my life up to this point)
And nowadays I have already that my obsession for boosts and even the very reason I could have been rejected countless of times are deeply rooted in my initial experience as a kid in his early 20s and as a teenager who has known nothing but rejection, subconsciously reinforcing beliefs and patterns of behaviors which intensified the undesirable social results I have endured and was traumatized by, like a mental avalanche only going stronger and more devastating for years.
Now realizing all those I am also stuck in a terrible financial situation with a debt of 20k USD partially to the bank with an overdraft and partially by loans having to be paid in payments monthly, working day and nights and can barely see the light at the end of the tunnel.
I have changed tremendously over the last years after having been enlightened with a decade of mentally intense experience on my back and this change has turned me into a much more mature and independent person on all aspects. However, I am stuck, I am working in a place where it’s the only way for me to cover my monthly expenses but I am losing my mind it has night shifts morning shifts evening shifts, no routine and it’s already hard to fall asleep having such a hefty debt so tam constantly sleep deprived.
Unfortunately I have to beg for a way out, I have the ambition and motivation but I am mentally losing myself under the stress of over work and barely sleep if any.
I beg and cry for help, closing this debt would be a major life turning point for me I have so many ideas and ambitions now but I am firmly stuck.
HELP