Asking other people for money is basically my last resort in life, but I’m not getting any younger and desperation is certainly sinking in. I don’t need $20 for a pair of shoes, or $100 for rent. I need thousands in a last leap of faith in pursuit of higher education and success in my life.
Currently, I am unemployed, but for the past nearly ten years I’ve been functioning as an independent contractor. Working from home in this way barely brought in any money, and I’ve been living with my chronically ill mother (she is chair ridden, at best these days) while recovering from a horrible divorce, and coping with my own damn near crippling agoraphobia. Severe depression, PTSD, and a pretty big lack in self-confidence is also part of my personal story – but if I were to go into all of that we would be here for days listening to my mess. Long story short, I have a lot of issues. I don’t consider my issues to be any worse or more severe than the average American’s… but they have made my life feel like a black hole with no way out in sight.
At the beginning of this year I started applying for jobs, hoping to find something stable and secure so that I could get some health insurance, and start moving forward to fix some of my issues. Despite the lack of people working and tons of jobs available… people just don’t seem to want to hire me. I tried keeping the positions I applied to remote. Part of this is due to me having horrible teeth (my ex husband wouldn’t allow me to visit a Dentist when I was married), and nothing ruins a job interview like a smile from a horror movie monster. I’m guessing people don’t take independent contractors seriously, but to be fair, my resume/CV isn’t the most impressive at first glance either. Especially at my age, in a country where your job is one of the most important things about you socially.
One of my passions, like hardcore addictions, in life has always been horses and the equine industry. On one side of my family, my mother’s side, there were horses around but I could never afford one of my own. When my parents divorced and I bounced back and forth between the two I was a problem child with a multitude of issues. Horses were something I continued to see but my involvement was limited, my passion at an early age ended up shoved into the back of my mind as something that would be a pipe dream. Something I could never achieve. These days, I sit around and wonder why I’d been so stupid as a teen and why I didn’t just pursue where my heart was from the beginning. Instead, I failed at college (twice, mind you – grades were great, home situation was bad/unstable), failed at marriage, with minimal parental support and pretty much no education where actual life skills were concerned.
Long story short, cut to the current year, 2022. I’m in my 30s, no health insurance whatsoever, I’ve self-helped myself enough to be able to go to the grocery store (agoraphobia permitting), am unemployed, watching one of my parents deteriorate rapidly due to disease, I just lost my best friend of 15 years (my dog) last month, and I’m realizing… I have got to get the hell out of here. My long term goals include eventually moving overseas, and working with horses, particularly in barn management – preferably in rescue. To do that, however, I realize I’ll need to take a crack at higher education once more. Hearing that a few of my friends that are even older than I am, have recently procured their own Bachelors degrees encouraged me to look into a Bachelors of Equine Science – where my heart has always truly been. For once, I’m feeling like that might be the right step in the right direction for where I want to go… but I don’t anticipate receiving financial aid while already owing prior student loans, and having other debts as well. Without employment, I have no way of funding my educational goals and no help from family in the matter whatsoever either. Despite diligently working to change my situation, it’s apparent that I need additional help to get to where I want to be in life.
It doesn’t take much to feel bad in this current day and age, looking at the state of the world and the economy… and how it seems like it’s going to get even worse. For this reason, I am reaching out to request help. Any assistance that you could give would be greatly appreciated and an absolute godsend.
I’m sorry if this proposal was a little disjointed, and all over the place. I’ve never asked for help like this before, and I want to say thanks for your consideration, and for giving my request the time of day.