I need to raise $50,000 to create the opportunities to change my life and the lives of my children.
I am a 25 year old father of three beautiful children. I have my 6 year old daughter from my previous relationship, my fiance is 23 and she has her 4 year old daughter from her previous relationship, and together we have our 1 year old baby boy. We are a blendid family and we have been together for two years now and hope for many more to come. Sounds perfect, right? Well… Not exactly. You see, in all honesty, I’m lost. Not just in parenthood, but in life. I’m lost an I’m terrified. Everyday I have to look at my children and pretend to be the hero, the one that knows everything and can fix anything, the one that has all of the answers. I’m daddy. I have to be the best, but I’m not the best. I’m not even the best me I can be. The one thing that scares me the most is knowing that I hold their futures in my hands. Everything I do has an effect on them. Who they are, the way they see the world and the opportunities and resources available to them, are all things that whether directly or indirectly or indirectly they will inherit from me, as their provider, their teacher, advisor, mentor, role model. Every lesson taught, every interaction, every moment and occasion, will have a lasting footprint on their lives. Some almost non-existent others greatly influential. From morals to mannerisms, who I am will greatly effect who they become. Just the thought of that alone terrifies me, but it also motivates me to make changes and to pursue a better life for me and my children so that they can do the same for theirs.
I believe that I am beginning to grasp the concept, but like most things in life, it is much easier to formulate a plan than it is to actually execute it. The thing that terrifies me is that I don’t know how to give them all of the things that I know they need and deserve. I don’t know how to give them a good life. I don’t know how to give them any of that, because I’ve never had it. I have no example to go from. My life has never been what most would call normal or easy. There was never really any stability or direction from anywhere. My parents divorced after a long relationship of drug addiction, domestic violence, and abuse. I don’t remember them being together as I was still in diapers at the time. My dad ended up in jail facing a lot of time over false charges that my mom had had filed, which was later sorted out, luckily for him. During that time we were staying at a battered wives shelter with my mom when we were taken from her because they caught her doing dope in the car with me and my two older brothers in the car. After the state took us from our parents they gave us to our grandparents. They were foul old people and should have never been raising kids. They abused their children and they hadn’t changed one bit by the time they had us. They beat us with anything they could get their hands on. We weee never talked to like children, or even people for that matter. We were always yelled at and cussed out and called all kinds of things. They loved to call us “little bastards”. We weren’t allowed to sit on the furniture because we were “filthy little bastards”. Growing up I thought all old people were evil. My Granny would break a nail while beating us with something and then get angrier and beat us for making her break her nail. She busted a telescope on my brothers head when he was 8 years old because he couldn’t get a paper to stop beeping. She put me outside in the dark, by myself, when I was 6 years old because I couldn’t get the chia pet song out of my head and kept singing it. I grew up on an alligator farm in the swamp so needless to say at 6 I was terrified. They did things much worse, but to explain the portion of my childhood I spent with these people would take an entire book and I prefer not to re-live the memories of much of that. I can say that I have lived in youth homes and foster homes in multiple states. When I was 9 I lived in a boy’s youth home for a year where I was the youngest one there by far, until one day I ran away. Then I spent 9 1/2 months in a boy’s home in Alabama where I I was later released with my two brothers. Shortly after the state tried to put us back in the system but we had other plans. We fled to Wyoming where my dad was living at the time. Well it’s a touchy subject but since it came up, I’ll tell you a little bit about my dad. My dad is everything I don’t want to be and in my opinion a direct cause of the insecurities and disorders that I suffer from. He is a narcissistic, angry, abusive, self centered, egotistical, manipulator. He has caused me mental anguish anguish and psychological problems that I have to deal with every day. He has left scars that will never heal. He beat the shit out of me my entire life and said the most twisted things you should never say to your child. He has put a knife in between us and dared me to go for it if I thought I was bad enough. Bloodied noses, busted eardrums, days missed in school because my face was too swollen, but like the subject of my father’s parents, I would have to write an entire book to fully explain. Again I would rather not get too far into some things. My entire life has been hectic. My mom was never there and my dad was in jail or prison or gone doing dope and chasing women. I’ve been to 16 different schools which made it very difficult to stay on track with my education. He left me in wyoWyom by myself when I was 16 and that is when I dropped out of highschool. With no previous direction and certainly no direction at that point, I began to wash my life along with my chances for success down the drain. Too ignorant to know what I was doing and the damage it would inevitably cause. I’ve been everywhere from Florida to Alaska. I’ve been homeless multiple times, I’ve slept in parks and behind buildings, I’ve just drifted around aimlessly sometimes.
I work, don’t get me wrong, I love to work and I’ll work my fingers to the Bone, especially since I’ve become a father. However since I never graduated highschool or obtained my GED, it makes it hard to find work and the work that I do find doesn’t pay enough to take care of five people. I’ve always had the worst luck. It always seems like something is going wrong. I’ve always had crappy vehicles, they constantly break down and cost me money and have cost me jobs due to not having my own transportation. I can’t afford anything decent that is big enough for all of us, so we are always stuck living in some rat hole. I can’t remember the last time I could afford new clothes for myself, everything I get goes to my children and my fiance to make sure they are taken care of. I am their provider and I am failing them. It breaks my heart Everytime I have to tell why we don’t have the things that other people do and when I can’t buy them the things they need. I’m tired of living in poverty. My whole family lives in poverty, most of them are drug addicts or ex drug addicts or they don’t have an education. They are all poor and work meaningless jobs that barely let them survive until the next paycheck. I’m so tired of it. I’m so tired of the inescapable reality. It’s all I’ve ever known my whole life. Always worrying about having enough money for the bills, and for food. Stressing over simple things like what can we afford from the dollar menue. Do we get the baby medicine or diapers, I can’t take it anymore. I work and work but it never changes. It never gets me ahead. I’m always struggling just to stay afloat. Even right now as I type this, I am being evicted because I couldn’t keep up the bills. I have nowhere to go for me and my family, and to make it even better, my truck just broke down again. Perfect timing right? I’m just really stressed out right now and that is why I am doing this. I’m out of options, and I know that I will never get help if I don’t ask. Help is exactly what I need right now. I’m asking for anyone who can help me to please help me and my children. I would like to use the money raised to help get my GED and to further my education. I would like to pursue my passion for cars and gain a degree in auto body repair and custom car design. A dream that will never be a reality without the help of whomever may be reading this. I would use this money to purchase a dependable vehicle for my family and acquire a residence for us to call home for the time being, be able to catch up on my bills and pay rent up for an extended time so that with all of these major burdens out of the way I can focus on work, going to school, and seeing a therapist to help me cope with my mental disorders. I know if I obtain these things that I can give my children the tools they need to succeed, an di can give them a childhood that I could only dream about. I think you should consider giving to my cause because there may be people out there that have it worse than me but that doesn’t mean that I don’t need help too. I think you should donate to my cause because I will use it to make mine and my children’s life better and in return we will be able to help more people and make their lives better too. People who need help get miracles everyday in the form of selfless acts of caring strangers, so why not me. I could use a miracle. The last reason I believe you should donate to my cause is because it is for my kids. They deserve it. They are the most important little children in this world, maybe not to you or everyone else but but they are to me and they deserve this more than anyone. They shouldn’t have to suffer because Daddy screwed up his life early on. I made mistakes. I’m just asking for a second chance at life because the first one wasn’t much of a chance to begin with. Please help me break the cycle. Please help me get a leg up so I can build a better brighter future for my family.