So let’s start this off by saying I am writing this at 12:45am in a rehab, this being one of my last options until my insurance kicks me out where I will have no where to go. I have struggled with a really nasty battle of addiction, but I have come to terms with it.
I have been in the state of Florida since August of 2019, it is now March 21, 2020 as I’m writing this. I have been diagnosed with Bipolar II and ADHD, neither of which are not easy to keep under control, a lot of times they take control over me, before I know it I’m finally feeling the severity of one last dumb decision I am about to make before it changes my life.
I never would say I had Bipolar, I was diagnosed with it when I was 19. But as I have been sitting in my last rehab before I am homeless, I realize something about my last outburst. A little backstory, I ran off with a girl and hotel hopped for 6 days until the ATM ate my credit card.
I’ve always held back those feelings until I am numb to that 1 decision that gets the ball rolling. My parents shrug their shoulders at me and say oh well to my situation, not to any fairness of me. I understand I have struggled with addiction, but that should be no excuse to use me as your own scape goat because you finally got your life together as I was tearing down mine. I never had any resentments towards my parents until now, as I have done a lot of work on myself and realized a lot that I ever did growing up.
Let’s just say I didn’t grow up in a normal household by any means. We were poor, and nothing ever happened. I was always alone. So I had my imagination to my disposal as of course I did whatever came to me or a friends mind. I now sit here feeling the numbness of my psych meds, absolutely dulled to the thought of how I am going to pull this off.
I never deserved this. I always lacked opportunity and love and understanding, I grew up to my mom saying “well figure it out,” or watching her close her eyes and ears and yell that “it’s all fine.” So I ask out of utter desperation for any help for a place to stay so I can get a job, and start saving up for a car, then eventually my own apartment.
Thank you so much for taking your time to read my story, as I am just a non-existent person who has no affect on this world good or bad that’s as good as it gets..