I don’t know if I’m alive while you reading my thoughts
My story started over a year ago
Specifically in April when I broke up with my girlfriend because I discovered her cheating on me.
I thought I was depressed before but this thing broke me
I think that my psychological problems revolved around the world not accepting me, that I was bad looking, and that I was poor.
wrestling a ghost wrestling me,
I was born to a poor family, and the worst part is that I was born to a family who saw me as the person who would change her.
Since my childhood, I have always been subject to expectations, everyone expected me to be special and the best, and I made a great effort to please everyone, so I had to lie and deceive often. I do not deny that I am very smart, but my intelligence bothers me. This topic has stuck with me until today, I feel like I’m in the spotlight all the time
I started to feel that my life was in vain
At the beginning of the breakup I thought my bad mood was a product of the moment and would go away but never
I started losing my passion for life, I don’t feel pleasure about anything and if it happened it would have been temporary and because of my drug use
Yes, I started taking drugs.
I started not caring about anything
Nothing motivating to live for. And my problems are starting to get bigger
Academic failure after being first in class
Losing my social relationships
My drug abuse
debts and debts
I was trying to work
The toil of studying, but in vain, until I started to become religious with friends.
I have never had a time when I was so mentally ill
I am afraid of everything
I feel like everyone is asking me for their right to get their money back
I can’t think of my life for even a second
Every time my dad gets a call, I get the feeling that the bank is calling him because of me, or that someone is going to call him to threaten me with it.
I live worrying every second and every moment
I don’t answer the phone, I don’t go out on the street so that no one recognizes me to interrupt me or threaten me
I’m starting to feel like I’m a genius of life
No one can afford my expenses nor talk to me about my problems
And no feeling of safety
I think this site is my last resort
I don’t know who will read
But I will appreciate every help
I am facing new challenges related to paying education expenses, because I am on the grapes of starting a new school year
I have many, many bills to pay
I would be grateful if you could give me a light to cling to life again.