Hey, thank you for taking time to read this.
Have you ever felt that your worth is less alive than dead?
I am not suicidal, understand that, but I do have depression and that thought has haunted me for years. It is a bit melodramatic, but it is the truth. I thought I would be in an entirely different place in this world at this point, as most, but I am in a position I am helping a parent and I can barely take care of myself.
College life was fun for me years ago, but I grew up poor with no one paying for my college. To try and be different, to try to make something of myself, I decided to go to college and took out loans for my education believing that once I graduated that I would be able to successfully begin to pay them back while working in my field. Sadly, the year I was to graduate school, the 2008 recession started and I ended up hospitalized for two weeks with a severe lung condition that almost killed me. With that “hiccup” out of the way, I believed I could spend the summer ameliorating and then get the last few hours done in the fall. Instead, my mother had a severe stroke while my step-father was going through a rough time with his ankylosing spondylitis.
When he passed a few years later from complications from the condition, he left my mother with nothing after accidentally (from what we can tell) cancelling his life insurance plan instead of just the supplemental. I moved in with her to help her out, but I was having issues finding and keeping work that would be enough to pay for anything.
Sadly, a few a few years after that, being drained and barely able to pay my own bills, we lost our home and have been bouncing around rentals that really aren’t the best, but they are roofs over our head so that is what is matters, but even that is starting to get threatened.
In the time I have attempted to get back on my feet, I have lost my car, been in an accident, have health issues starting to build up myself (definitely more manageable), been through jobs, and been stolen from an ex that I mistakenly took in to help that had no intention to reciprocate.
My student loans have built up to almost 3x the amount that I took out. Anytime I would get behind and deal with being threatened and them “threatening” my sister, who was my co-signer, they would sell my loans to another company and I’d have to start negotiations all over again.
This new company is looking for only 30% of what the new total is at just under $50,000.00. I realize that this is a lot for anyone. That in this time of need that has hit our country that it is unreasonable to think that this could happen, but I am takin a shot in the dark and hoping to God, that maybe someone who has the ability to help can.
Whatever amount you can help with will help, believe me. It would help me get to $0 and help me get to a spot I can take care of my mother. These loans have haunted me. While I have a job where my pay has been cut and frozen, they do give us life insurance. It has haunted me, that feeling that I am worth more dead, in the fact that if I passed it could pay off everything and have enough left to take care of my mother or help take care of her for a time while I feel like a leech.
Again, it never hurts to ask, but it would take the pressure off my sister, myself and my mother. I am willing to do whatever I can to help them where I can.
Whatever you can give will help.
Thanks again for reading my story.