Well, here I am a 21 year old student from the Netherlands, totally new to this concept or idea of giving away money. It does seem like a scummy move to make as an individual to ask someone for financial help without even knowing them but I might as well try it because I fear for my future and my loved ones and I bet people like me have been in the same situation.
Let me start off by saying I have an income and I am not like dying or anything, no one I know is in danger and my life is going okay now. I have asperges syndrome which for me means I am very keen on perusing things that interest me and neglecting things I hate. I had a major interest in science and technology and could spend hours just reading about concepts relating to chemistry, biology, IT, Neuroscience, ancient history and many other things. I had been making 3D models for a sandbox game using professional modelling software and using a vast amount of software and stuff that people my age had never even heard of. I was truly one of the most nerdy kids you can imagine. The fact that I was good at some of these specific things meant that I only enjoyed them more and like people with Asperger’s often experience, I spend all my time on that stuff and non on actually making a life for myself and doing stuff for school.
This is less of an issue now for me then it was as a child and I see it as a double-edged sword because I did get well-versed in a lot of topics and it did do me a lot of good as well. The issue this generated for me though is that I was never really seen as someone who could achieve anything big, teachers always neglected me, I was a very asocial person at the time and I was never able to really express myself in the things I was good at. When my education got worse and worse, I was send to special education when I was 12. Here the main course that was given to us was administrative business which pretty much entailed to working in a small supermarket and learning to accept deliveries and use a cash registry. At this point I was just about at the age where I could see where I stood in society and how people saw me and it dawned to me that if I didn’t do something I would never make anything happen. I truly wanted to spend my life working on amazing stuff like DNA sequencing and coding and never expected how my neglect for the normal educational system would get me to a low point like that.
Well, I needed to make a change about this and this is when I started to truly try and educate myself while I was at this school. I read numerous books and watched hours upon hours of lectures online trying to get better at stuff I was truly interested in. When I finally graduated, I was able to get accepted in a good school studying IT and I eventually graduated.
I now finally had the credentials to get into university and do what I truly wanted, pursue a career in science! This truly did make me happy, I felt like I had reached something that was almost out of my grasp before I could even comprehend what this game of life had in store for me. Well this all started falling apart because all courses in my university required advanced knowledge of math that I had never in my life seen before. I never had any regular middle school or high school experience and our special education system only teaches the simplest of math. I realized that I was set back further then anyone else in my class. Well I tried to make the most of it anyways and did pass my first year but now with covid I have 0 clue what I even need to do anymore. This second year has been the hardest time I have ever worked in my life but it seems it all leads to nothing. I have 15k worth of student debt and its like 100% a given that I have to repeat this year and many other years. I feel like if I try to continue with this dream of actually becoming the person I dreamed of as a kid and all which I have fought so hard for will just go to waste and leave me without money having to earn back all my debt slowly. I can´t even live together with my girlfriend because I can´t really make an income. All I would want is a way I could feel like I am not wasting my life by trying. I have 0 support structure and no way to fix this other then myself and I hate it. I have never felt so bad in my life even though I am finally doing what I thought I wanted.
I don’t want to mess up everything for me and my girlfriend just because of my selfish wants. I spend hours per day trying to learn math but I just end up straying away so much further from the rest of my class as I cant even comprehend the concepts we are getting thought.
My major now is organic chemistry and I have passed both ORGO1 and ORGO2 which is huge! I understand all the chemistry, but I am just failing everything else just because I can’t even do simple algebra.
I don’t expect anyone to give me money but I hope someone like me who actually did make it, someone who maybe also has gone through a struggle like this but who came out on top can maybe understand my pain going through this and seeing the debts stack up without even feeling like ever being able to complete this study and having to give up on it. All I want is to be able to try it in my own way even if it takes me 10+ years.
The image I attached is my work on complex quantum mechanical modeling of atomic orbitals in ceartain energy levels of molecular bonds. It shows how far I have come now from being destined to work as a store clerk to someone who actually comprehends science to a degree. I am no expert yet but I would spend all this effort again to get there a million times over.