Life comes with many obstacles but becoming a single mother wasn’t something I’ll wish on my enemy
As if being black in America was a crime , I grew up in a household that was tremendously abusive, you would think growing up what you see on television shows should be exactly how your parents should be but it was only an environment of responsibilities and discouragement after many years I’ve stirred away from marriage thinking it was only ideal for modern white families because first thing I knew was that we were black that came off an island seeking for a better future . My dad left my mom while I was still growing up leaving me to pick up the broken pieces he destroyed inside of her , because she wasn’t sure of herself , my mother hatred slowly became a vicious cycle that only resulted to mental abuse , emotional abandonment issue, and built up anger resulting to Me seeking love outside of myself because my own mother rather to see me beneath her , jealous grew everytime I achieve a goal but happiness Rained in her heart as she seen me fail in many things I wished to achieve without any reason I fleed from home countless times with anyone I could cling on to just so I don’t have to be home with my mother and tragedy became to rain, I fell heavy for a man who was older than me, seeking love out of myself I Began to battle with depression and unable to express myself to the man I fell in love with I became a shadow of who I truly was having sex countless times with this Pisces to feel the void of my pain , using drugs to cope with things that usually occupied myself the devil within me having Me unable to cope when a man would tell me he hates me , I was so mentally drained I grew up becoming a people pleaser everything Pisces wanted I would result to his every beck and call staring at my body in the mirror I felt disgusted who would really want to tell someone they honestly love that there Biggest role model , someone they use to look up to as a little kid was actually sexually into his own young daughter , how she struggled being happy because of many heartbreak so I kept a smile on my face which didn’t stay because Pisces was emotionally gambling me . Sometimes you’ll think god bring those into your life because it’s what you seek but it was becoming more unstable by the moment he began to abusive me , pull me outside of his home and slandered me every change he gets . I wasn’t nothing to him anyways just a piece of meat , it didn’t bother me because something deep inside me wanted love , I seeked validation from a man who only knew the right strings to pull inside of me . Through the emotional abuse , the gas lighting , ghosting and disrespect i still remained expecting differently if I stayed around hoping to be the best version of myself but only time would tell one randomly day I took a test with medical bus and they announced that I had HIV , my world shattered apart torn apart I ran to Pisces house begging him to come with me to see if that’s something true because I was faithful , I was loyal , I couldn’t remember laying down with anyone at that time ,he drastically ran with me to his car just to find out that his test came out negative while mines was positive, I began to cry because I didn’t believe why God would turn his back on Me after all I did out of love to remain with a man who was giving me nothing but emotional stability , I didn’t matter to him once again I was just a sex toy in his eyes it took 4-5months I found out I was pregnant the medical bus called me and told me that I don’t have any hiv it was all a misunderstanding , tear ran down my eyes because everyone turned against me even My mother which I expected , as time slowly grew becoming slowly pregnant i wanted to die , overdose medication , drinking alcohol, cutting myself was always a normal thing for me but slowly wasn’t able to do the same things anymore I became numb outrageous with everything soon as I became pregnant my suicidal thoughts became a tol on me ,never went to any hospital just was by myself through it all , I was in the hospital back and forth for three months just for some type of sickness called matisits that’s puss growing inside my breast , the pain I felt each day and began feeling felt like giving up but the hospital gave me courage even through all the difficulties, I gave birth and my single life was even worst my childs father wanted nothing to do with me or my child , living under my mother roof wasn’t a desire for my mom because she felt like she was owed money for the room I was sleeping in and without a job I’m unable to work and even if I decided to work I wouldn’t have no one to care for my son and the struggle became more heavier than ever , my phone bill , room bill even groceries became a tol so I need help I need 5,000
I’m grateful for any amount I know the saying you reap what you sow but if I gotten deeper to how I had helped my childs father of times of need and how he repayed me and his mother you’ll wonder how am I still alive