I am a single mother who is in desperate need of any help you can give me. My ex-husband is not paying spousal or child support, because he says I don’t deserve it. I have had to almost max out my one and only credit card and take out two loans just to pay moving costs, the bills and to provide for our basic needs. I never thought he would still be full of hate and vengeance almost six years after my divorce was final.
When we met, I was young and naïve. I thought we would have the idyllic life: buy a house, have kids, send them off to college and grow old together. But soon after we said I do, he started to show signs of his true self. One night we had an argument like many newlyweds do, but instead of being angry and making up later, it ended with him chasing me around the house with a knife in his hand. I was terrified, but he later explained that he was just kidding and playing with me – that I should’ve known he wasn’t serious. He was so charming and explained things so clearly, so I let it go. I thought I had overreacted.
He worked one job during the day and one at night when it was just the two of us. explaining that it was to save money for the future. At the time that sounded reasonable, even though I was working too. Then our children started coming. He began working off the clock, going in early and staying late. He started covering every shift that someone asked of him at his weekend/night job. He was hardly ever home, and when he was home, he was sleeping until the next shift. I tried talking to him about this, saying that the children and I needed him at home, that we needed an involved, present husband and father. He would always have an excuse that things would settle down after a project was done or when he got caught up at work. But things never did settle down. I tried to approach him again and stated that if he quit his weekend/night job, we would be able to figure it out financially. Talking did not accomplish anything as my opinions, ideas and needs were disregarded as unimportant.
He did not like to be challenged. He wanted to appear as a dedicated husband and father who was working so hard to provide for his family. That became very important to him, so things got worse as he tried to hide his workaholism to others and to justify it to me.
He started to put me down, called me names and made fun of me in front of our children and other people. He would then add, “I was just joking”, to get away with his remarks. If I tried to stand up for myself, he accused me of being overly-sensitive. He made me feel as though he was always right, and I was always wrong. He showed no empathy or compassion. Instead of taking responsibility for his actions, he deflected blame onto me or made excuses.
I often felt depressed and hopeless, but I could not see a way out. I had been a stay-at-home mom and homeschooling teacher for years. I had no way to get a job that would support me and my children. Besides, he would regularly tell me that I was overreacting about both the present and the past, and many times I believed him.
I could seriously write a book about everything that happened after that and what I am still going through. Maybe it would help others to know they are not alone. Suffice it to say, I went through a very difficult process just to get a divorce – one that he will say he never wanted because “divorce is wrong”. I have eternally wronged him by doing this, and I must pay – in every way possible.
The above is just the beginning of six very long years since the divorce of looking over my shoulder, waiting for him to inflict the next thing upon me. Almost being stabbed, being stalked, trying to take physical custody of the younger kids, always looking over my shoulder – these are just a few of the things that my children and I have endured.
Three of my children and I finally found a little peace-of-mind by moving away, out of the state he lives in, but since then he has stopped all payments. He says that since it was my choice to move, I should have to suffer the consequences. Moving and paying the basic bills for four of us is not cheap and feeding two bottomless-stomached young men has been a challenge. I have had to use my credit card and take out two loans to keep us afloat. I work full-time, and two of my children who are old enough, work as well. If anyone would be kind enough to help me eliminate this debt, then we could stop feeling anxiety and losing sleep every month over making these payments in addition to rent and basic bills. We might even be able to start saving a little bit of money to go do something fun. I have posted pictures of the balances on each one to show what is due.
I thank you if you have the taken the time to read this far and if you are willing to help!