Hi. My story is long and I need a lot of different types of help. I just don’t know where or how to start looking for that help. I am a single mom, the custodial parent of two kids. They are my lifeline and the only things in the world that keep me in it as well. Their dad was helping for a while and he still sends some money but he doesn’t really have anything to do with them unless I twist his arm about it. The point of this post is to get help for myself to make their lives better.
I am bipolar with borderline personality disorder, and severe anxiety. I also just learned all of this about three years ago. I suffered mental, emotional, physical, and sexual abuse as a child and as a result, I no longer have contact with my family. These issues are constantly affecting my life. I had a pretty severe depressive episode starting last November that ran for eight months. For that time frame, I barely got out of bed except to use the bathroom. I was a terrible parent to my kids during that time. They had to basically feed and look after themselves (they are 9 and 12.) I didn’t clean anything, I left my job without warning as it got too hard to go into work each day.
When eight months had passed, I moved 2000 miles across the country to the same state the kids’ dad lives. I have been here almost four months. It is a fresh start in some ways but it is also a problem in a lot of ways. It is the first step I needed to take though, to dig myself out of the crap hole I was in.
So here is where the begging begins: I have bad credit and bad rental history due to a lot of years of just picking up and leaving problems when they rose up. I didn’t know why I did this for so long and now I do, but I still get severe anxiety anytime a problem arises. So I need a place to stay. I am staying with a roommate here but he has gotten creepy towards my twelve year old daughter. I can’t afford the rent of where I am staying AND the deposit to get a new place. I need help on how to rebuild my credit.
I need help on getting help for my mental illnesses. I don’t get insurance at my job for another month. My brain constantly feels like it is trying to rip itself apart. I have hallucinations some days and I know I need to be on medication. But I also know from my past medications that they will greatly affect my ability to work. I don’t know if SSI is an option? Or what I would need? And it would probably take a while. I am afraid that my bad coping mechanisms are going to cause me to lose or quit my job.
My insurance is not going to cover my kids. My work does not supply family insurance, only for me. But I also think I make too much for state assistance. Are there cheap options somewhere?
I don’t have my own car, I have to use my ex’s. He is going to want it back soon as the one he is using is wearing out. I also have to pay back 4000 dollars to my previous landlord because I was so crippled with anxiety that I could not clean my previous rental after eight months and spontaneously left it. It is embarrassing having mental illnesses because I know that the actions I take are not helping anyone but I am so scared of having more problems piled on that I run from everything I can do it’s a short term fix.
I don’t know what I am asking for. Help. Just help. I guess I’m hoping someone will read this with knowledge of Oregon Social services or mental help and be able to walk me through life until I can stand up again on my own. I work two jobs and my depression causes me to be so tired on top of that that I feel like I cannot function on my own. But I have to try to better myself for my kids. So if anyone can help me, financially or with some of my issues, I would be impressed first of all, but also extremely grateful. I don’t feel like I am a bad person. I just feel like I was given a lot of bad breaks. And I caused some myself. But I’m trying to do better. Thanks for reading if you made it this far.