Im just.. so, so tired. Ive always done everything on my own, but I just need just to finally accept that I need some help.
Ive not talked to alot of people about my situation, so Im trying not to make this an emotional dump, and stick to the facts. A little over a year ago, my mom got really sic, and we didnt know what went wrong. After finally getting her to agree to go to a doctor, we find out she has cancer. EVERYTHING, went into trying to save her. costs be damned. I do not regret the time, money, or energy at all. We lost the battle. I lost my mom at 29.
The only thing that kept me sane was the fact I have a daughter. Though all this she was the best I could have ever asked for. She didnt even want to tell me about the tightness she was feeling in her legs, because she didnt want to be a “bother”. Come to find out, all those doctor visits I did before my mom got sick, that were being ignored could have been explained, if her doctor gave one single damn. She has ccerebral palsy. Something that explained EVERYTHING.
I spent a year taking care of my younger brother, paying 90% of all his bills, because he was very mentally unwell after she passed away.I spent my time taking care of my mommom who is now in late stages of alzheimer’s, who required someone to be around her full time(luckily my uncle was a huge help here), I spent time taking care of my daughters new diagnosis, and learning what was to come, I spent a year taking care of my partner that I had for 17 years(known them since we were kids). because they were mentally, unwell, AND, taking care of my bothers unemployed father, because I just wanted everyone to be okay. I didnt want the family to break.
Well, just as I was coming out of the depression of my moms death, and looking forward to starting life, and letting myself be happy for a change… my partner of 17years sleeps with their best friend, and tells me they think they have feelings for them. But they totally dont want me to leave, because they need me. But they dont know if they love me anymore. And when I cried and talked about what about the plans we were making to move forward, they just make me the bad guy and tell me about I did wrong. And I KNOW when my mom died it really messed up my head, an I just wanted distractions, but this?
After staying around for a little because they said they would kill themself, and hearing about how they are obsessed about their best friend while Im having nervous break downs at what Im going to do alone, and the budgeting and planning. They are crying about their friend(who is freaking married by the way) not running to be with them. Im crying because my daughter thought of them as a parent.
Im humiliated. Im sad, Im finally letting myself be angry about what they did, and for once I just want to focus on me. I wanted to fix everything but me. I want to help everyone, but I never ask for help. When money was combined I was okay with struggling. And even if they werent the best person in the world when it came to my feelings, at least they were a constant.
Im asking for help now. If I could get 100,000 I could finally have some relief from stress. I could combine that with my savings AND have money for my daughters upcoming medical expenses to have her be able to stand flat footed on the ground.
Anything, anyone could give means more to me than you could even imagine. Thank you for reading, as just putting it all out there helped me reconfirm to not go back to that person whos continuing to hurt me.
https://paypal.me/IMVUPrincessPeach?country.x=US&locale.x=en_US
Please excuse the name here, I use to do sell art with this account, years ago, haha