‘If the baby rolls off the table, she will learn not to do that anymore.’ That’s what the father of my child told me.
My beautiful and bright daughter is now almost four and doing just fine. I made sure of that. The cost—endless threats of lawsuits from her father, some of which are initiated and then dropped after I’ve spent loads of money I don’t have on a lawyer. I’d take him to court myself, but there is the likely possibility that he will get visitation anyway, according to my high profile lawyer. That is a risk I will not take. The cost of that—no child support.
I don’t want to whine about my life. Things could always be worse. We are relatively healthy and very happy, so long as the father is out of the picture.
The lack of child support seems a small price to pay, but with my other financial difficulties, I am at a crossroads. I can either take any dead-end job I can find, which most certainly will not cover both my rent and student loan payments, or, I hope, take a new direction, try to make something of myself to create a better future for me and my daughter.
The current situation: I have two Master’s degrees and a PhD, I have an upcoming book, and I have years of professional experience. The American dream. This has left me with nearly a quarter million in student debt, no professional job prospects, and currently about $200 of income per month, working as a freelance editor. I have been looking for other editing jobs (my main profession for the past five years) since November 2016 and have found nothing further—and I am no stranger to the game. I have now exhausted my savings.
The hope for the future: What I would love to do is write. My upcoming book won’t pay anything since it is an academic publication, but it does show that I can write and that I can finish a book. I am hoping that you might have faith in this—faith in me—as well. I am currently putting together a book proposal on popular history. The problem—it takes time to write a proposal, to write the sample chapter(s), to find an agent, and, finally, to get a book deal. I can’t do that, work full-time (and needed over-time), and take care of my daughter. If I can succeed with this publication—and I am confident I can so long as I can manage my funds long enough—I hope to use my advance to fund my next book project. I hope to dig myself out of this hole. I hope for a future—for me, and, above all else, for my daughter.
Thank you for taking the time to read this. I don’t want to take money I haven’t earned, but I feel at a loss for a better alternative. I know there are people in greater need and one day I hope to be the one giving donations. Any amount would be immensely appreciated. Seriously. $1 could get my daughter an activity book. And her smile lights up my life. If you have nothing to give, I’d be thankful for shares or even good vibes. Thanks again!